A little story on work

Right from the start, P know that P will not last long in this company. P did not choose on my own free will to come in. Couldnt find a job so beggars cannot be choosers. Maybe subconsciously, P was not hoping to get a job because P was not ready for it.
Nonetheless, P still forced myself to go, even if P have to vomit at the end of every interview session. P do not want to be penniless. So money was a factor for poor fresh grad.
On the 1st day of work,P tell myself, nevermind, P shall go in and learn new things. New experiences that will help me, since in the past P only focus on my studies. Never develop the soft skills.
It was a big mistake and P pay a heavy price for it. P was not ready at all. Did not even prep herself by reading books on relationships and at least office politics and perception. P tot be herself is good enough. P is who P said P to be and behave like that. P did not mean any harm to others so long P get job done with sufficient information.
P am that happy.
Well, others told her " You are the happy-go-lucky kind of person and that kind of person dun last."
P am also very grateful to those who lend a helping hand to her. Maybe that was wrong too. Maybe they took pity on her, maybe they had other things in mind. Everyone has a motive for helping others even those who seem harmless and sincere. One does not know what transpire in their minds. At that point in time, for someone like her who has no information network, no other support and expected to do things, a helping hand is like a lifesaver. For the moment. And by the way, the helping hand is not even her boss.
Her body language is terrible. P often gave people the wrong impression. But that was just her. P din know P was being demanding, emotional and stupid. And that puts people off. P had to sculpt an image for others. To her, this is so fake.  P had to adjust. P din know P had to give up so much just to fit in. Maybe P should just videotape herself in an interview session or put me under stress questioning. So many "should" and "think".
P did not know P was so hard to communicate, given she was a Communications student. P thought all the time she was the easiest person to get along and talk. Now then she knows that people do not think so. They think she is arrogant, offhanded and self-considered genius. In other words, an A*****e. Since she is like that, leave it as it is. She will still perform and do her work. No need to help, she might just slapped it back. P always believes it takes 2 to clap. As a person more experienced and senior than her, her boss did not realise she needed help since she is fresh on the job? In fact, it is a great opportunity to build relationship with her considering the boss need her to perform. P tried with her attempts to communicate via emails. P is just inadept at talking to bosses so she is hoping emails help. It is her way of building relationship with the boss. From there, she will know how is the boss and so on. What rapport is there to talk about when the receiving end do not reciprocate? What did she do before that to deserve all these preconceived perception? In the end, what did it get her? When she start a new position, P told herself to start afresh. She needed her boss to believe and trust her and keep her in the loop. To P, it is not a very demanding requirement.  In the end, it is others who help her. What can P think of her boss?
Well, some may say the boss attempted to build rapport but failed because P is too stubborn to see it. But what do you think of a boss who attempted to dig your personal information at point blank? Where is the privacy?
P also need an outlet to vent due to work-related stress. Who can she talk to? The same people who gave her helping hand. She needed guidance to do her work, let go some steam and talk crap. Apparently, that also need a correct timing and uphold a saint image at all times. As you know it, she did not and did it her own ways. Now people start to think she is playing office politics when she only wanted reprieve. Reality and perceptions. This is not the 1st time this wrong perception of her took place. Maybe she should get a diary and write it down. That becomes her reprieve. "Should" again.
Maybe P have too high expectation of herself and others, including her boss. When P cant live up to it, P cringed, P suffer and torture herself to eternal hell. Frankly speaking, her boss failed to impress her or rather did not live up to her expectation. But that is just her. P and her damn perception so P should go to hell with it. P just want to be P, what is so difficult about it? Afterall, everyday 8 or more hours is spent in the office. Can one wear a fake mask at all times?
P should just leave. Why torture herself working in an office where there is a lot of work, little manpower and suffers from other's wrong perceptions with little or no help at all?
What do you think?