What would you do at the age 80?
I remember there is a movie called the BUCKET LIST starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. The men at that age has a list of want to do list before they die.
Not a very long list, but the list of their regrets, trying to amend them.
There is another quite the opposite at age 80, a group of men decide to make their lives a complete circle by touring the countries on bike for 13 days.
Check it out.
The question is, at age 80 would u rather be an inspiration, trying out new things and breaking your own limits or are you trying to atone for your sins and regrets?
Worth a thought.
Life is full of peaks and valleys
One second - floating in the sky
The next second - hit rock bottom
Happiness - What does it mean?
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
King's Speech
Now this is the second good movie of the year 2011. I finally know why the BAFTA awards go to this movie. Splendid work! Classic work!
The script is marvellous. Short and simple, easy to understand.
This being a British script, I thought can be conservative. But it is very revealing and direct.
This is a great movie for motivational purpose and hypnotherapy together with NLP.
Firstly, the acting skills of Colin Firth and the former "Pirate of Carribbean" Capt Barbossa were fantastic.
The emotions portrayed were nice and apt.
Next, the context was kept relatively simple and clean. More on the heroic journey of King George VI. His transition becoming a king, the feelings of unworthiness as a king and his own handicap of stammering which was actually a mental handicap.
Once he surpassed it, it was brilliant.
IT was more about self-confidence and the ability to self-trust.
More of a Enneagram Type 5 movie.
Painfully moving towards the dreams or the desired state. Bearing the brunt well, the shame and the ridicules from others.
Countless of tries, doctors of different pedigrees, hopes rose and fell.
King George VI wants to escape but the reality and his wife hold him in check. He knew he had to overcome it no matter what.
Then he realise that nobody faults him for going to doctors or for trying. It is for his failure that he never tries again, making the situation remain the same that makes his people fault him.
No matter how stupid the exercises were, no matter what he has to sacrifice, his pride, his title, his royalty prestige, he stood by his decision to overcome his handicap.
He did what has to be done, even if it shamed him in front of his people due to his countless tries and still did not get rid of the stammer.
As he gets better, he confronted his source of mental handicap, his brother, Edward. Even with his handicap, he managed to lecture him on the importance of being a king.
He bears with his handicap, treating it as a part of him. No matter what he does, his handicap did not stop him from becoming a good naval officer or getting himself a wife whom has rejected his marriage proposal twice.
Makes my heart wrenches.
A touching story indeed.
Values, Insights & Opinions: Values
Values, Insights & Opinions: Values
Looking back at this, my friend just realised how childish and naive she was.
What does she know about higher order thinking that her boss had when all she did the whole day was menial tasks?
Higher order thinking vs menial work, which one is more important?
She is just a dumb blonde, not that she is blonde.
In reality is, she overestimated herself. What the hell was she?
A nobody in office, tasked to do menial work.
Should have keep the mouth shut most of the time.
Open mouth to say YES when her boss wants things, nevermind he make drastic change like drink coffee.
Her work is not even important so no need to inform, just carry one when time comes and the thing unfold. All my friend had to do was to be FLEXIBLE and react at last minute.
WITHOUT Shearing his "face" off.
Simple , right?
What is there to be unhappy about?
Forget it.
A nobody needs no attention and certainly dont need to be updated.
She is useless lah, just to fill space. Dun even know how to think.
Silly of her to think so highly of herself when she is in fact replaceable, isnt it?
I feel sad, where is the sense of self-love?
Love thyself, love your destiny.
I doubt she can feel it now.
Probably now she feels sorry and pity for herself.
Geez..
That is worklife and office politics. If you do not play by rules in office, chances are the rate of survival is slim. What matters the most is ultimately the boss's decision.
But then again, is it in his power to protect you from questioning and take on the responsibility like a man and a boss should?
That is for you to find out.
But then again, is it in his power to protect you from questioning and take on the responsibility like a man and a boss should?
That is for you to find out.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Life @ crossroads
Throughout our lives, there are many many crossroads that we will face. Everyone of us face them on a daily basis.For instance,
Wife: Honey, do you want Kaya or Olive margarine spread for your bread?
Yourself: What do I want to wear for today?
Thief: Do I pickpocket this man with a cap or that woman with an open purse?
Blind: Do I cross the road at this time or do I wait for someone to guide me over?
At some point in life we all are faced with pivotal and potentially life altering decisions. While the most obvious crossroads moments are easily recognizable and often agonizing life choices such as whether to end a long term relationship, terminate an unwanted pregnancy, or accept a marriage proposal, more subtle crossroad moments are not realized until long after the moment has passed. A casual trip to the local market can result in a chance encounter with a future mate and memories of a solitary journey through Central America can wake a sleeping soul years down the road.
While it is certainly comforting to rest crucial life decisions in the mighty hands of fate, the path of least resistance is not always the wisest route to take. The concept of human determination versus destiny is a loaded one, wrought with religious, philosophical, scientific and highly personal undercurrents. My personal preference is to lend credence to both sides of the spectrum, resulting in a complex interplay between personal freedom, self empowerment and predetermined fate.
Consider again the proverbial fork in the road. We have three choices: go left, go right, or stand still and languish in a state if inertia. The decision we make now will potentially shape our destiny for years to come. Ambivalence is a poison that clouds the mind and murders the spirit. It is always best to chose a path, take a leap of faith and keep moving forward, rather than succumb to the illusory shelter of inactivity.
I often tell people that caution is my middle name since I can sit on making a decision for a very long time before acting upon it.Sometimes I will procrastinate on making a decision because I'm not clear on what I really want. Other times it is because the unknown factors of how a decision may affect me in the future scares the bejeepers out of me.
As a person who has always been guilty of running from pain and charging ahead with reckless abandon, I am now focused on the power of standing still. However in standing still I am actually moving forward, because I stand now with peace and clarity of purpose rather than frozen in the grips of fear. My chosen path is neither the one I had always anticipated nor the easiest route to take at this point in time. I do not have the foggiest idea where I will end up, but one thing remains certain- I will grow and evolve in positive directions along the way.
It is not the destination that matters rather the journey, and life is really just one long journey with many crossroads along the way. As a seasoned traveler with many adventures yet to come, I plan to travel light, celebrate the crossroads, and stop to breathe now and then. Finally, if my destiny happens to entail a fellow explorer at some point along the way, I will certainly welcome the company.
How do we prepare for crossroads?
According to Father Paul Keenan, the atitude towards it is really important
These are crossroads: times in life when one thing is drawing to a close and another is beginning. The problem is, we weren’t prepared for the former to end, and we haven’t a clue what the latter looks like. When confronted with a crossroads in life, our usual reaction is to feel helpless, perhaps to panic. We often feel as though we don’t know what to do. We get scared and start to think there is something the matter with us.
A good relaxed look at the phenomenon of crossroads will help us to learn four important things:
- Crossroads are normal.
- Crossroads show us the difference between illusion and reality.
- Crossroads reveal to us the importance of intention.
- When we realize the importance of intention, we can look back and see that the crossroads were really a mirage.
1. Crossroads are normal.
Many people at a crossroads feel that they are crazy or are going crazy. Most of the time, this is not the case. Crossroads are a normal, natural part of life. For that matter, change is a normal part of life; and crossroads are nothing more than an invitation to change. The feeling of going crazy has to do with the loss of the familiar. It would be nice if changes came one at a time, but often that is not the case. There’s an old saying that deaths come in threes. There’s no absolute rule about that, and it’s a very good idea not to get that notion into your head lest it become a self-fulfilling prophecy. But it relays the notion that often when something shifts in one area of life, something else in another area shifts as well. Taken together, both can trigger other changes. Before too long, you get the feeling that there is no solid ground for you to walk on.
"Worry and stress seemed to be the order of the day."
In fact, it’s all too normal. One thing leads to another, and there’s a very good reason for that. As much as we try to portray ourselves as individuals who are terribly independent of one another, the fact of the matter is that we are all citizens of the universe. The very smallest and finest levels of our being are interrelated to each other and interact with each other even when we are not consciously aware of their interaction. Send an e-mail and you can affect someone on the other side of the planet. Turn on television or surf the internet and you can find yourself interacting with the planet Mars. We speak of coincidences, and yet there is no such thing: the strange and at times bizarre concurrences of people and events happen by interaction, not by chance. Whatever affects us at one point in our lives affects us at every other point as well. Though it can be frustrating at times, it’s not surprising that when we experience change in one area of life, changes come in other areas as well. That’s what one was going through and it was driving him crazy. Or at least they thought it was. Actually, it wasn’t, and it became necessary to sit the person down and help him to see that what he thought was craziness was really entirely normal. He was not losing his marbles or witnessing the ruination of his life.
2. Crossroads show us the difference between illusion and reality.
The person knew that he was at a crossroads, and that he had to do something. But what to do? Most of us when we face situations like this have one of two reactions. Either we curl up into a little ball of fear or we scatter ourselves all over the place in a fruitless effort to piece things together. Fortunately, there’s another option. Instead of succumbing either to paralysis or to frenzy, we can quiet ourselves and turn to the resources within us for guidance. We can’t think properly or choose properly when we are fearful or panicked. When we take time to calm ourselves and look within, we may well get the impression that rather than thinking, we are being thought through.
When Father Keenan was a boy of about eight or nine, two very puzzling questions occurred to him at about the same time. The first was, "How come I can see everyone else’s face, but not my own?" The second was, "How come everyone talks about thinking, while I don’t feel like I’m thinking, but rather that someone is thinking through me?" He didn’t know it at the time, but later learned that what he was doing in those questions was confronting the deepest mystery of his being. It was rather an awesome thing for a boy of eight or nine to be doing, but there it was, nonetheless. As regards the latter question, it seemed to him that his thoughts were not generated by him, but instead were occurring to him. He was not their source, but he was being led or drawn to them or they to him.
That’s generally the experience one have during meditation. One often come to meditation with the head jammed full of thoughts – that’s how one got the to crossroads in the first place – but once one meditates, it is as though a whole other source of thoughts and ideas has bubbled up. It’s like the old Zen saying, "Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear." Through meditation, one goes beneath our muddied thinking and wait for something new.
As one practice meditation, one becomes aware of a difference between new thoughts and old ones. This is how it seems when one begin to experience the fresh new thoughts that rise up from within self as one meditate. They are inspiring, full of hope, giving a sense of purpose and direction. They move one past the crossroads by moving us above them. That’s the sense of the higher thoughts one gets from meditation. They well up from inside one, and as they do, they expand our vision. One's limits, so cripplingly important just moments ago, now seem old-fashioned and irrelevant. Notice, though, that at this stage, the ideas may not yet yield us concrete solutions to our dilemma. What they do, rather, is show one a new level of thought, and give one the hope that there is more available to us than we formerly thought or perceived. At this stage of meditation, one may not be guided to the perfect job or given the address and phone number at which it is to be found. But he will be given the sense that, to quote Shakespeare, "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." He’ll begin to see reality beyond his limits, and that is an excellent start.
At that new level of thought, one will come to realize the difference between reality and appearances. When one started out, one was 100% certain that onee was experiencing reality. That was reality to one, a hard and somber truth, and there was no way around it. Onee was in big trouble.
Now that he knows that there is a higher level of reality and of thought, One is in a position to re-evaluate the things he took to be true before. He is learning that, though they may be true at the level of his everyday experience, they do not tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth as he had previously thought. At the new level, he experiences himself and his reality as full, flowing and bountiful, whereas his old level revealed himself and his reality to be empty, at a standstill and deficient. At the new level, he realizes that he is one with the abundant flow of everything that is "up" there (or "in" there). At the old level, he felt cut off from everything, picked upon, ganged up on; life had it in for him. He can learn to see that it makes quite a difference which story of reality one pays attention to.
3. Crossroads reveal to us the importance of intention.
"Worry and stress seemed to be the order of the day."
In fact, it’s all too normal. One thing leads to another, and there’s a very good reason for that. As much as we try to portray ourselves as individuals who are terribly independent of one another, the fact of the matter is that we are all citizens of the universe. The very smallest and finest levels of our being are interrelated to each other and interact with each other even when we are not consciously aware of their interaction. Send an e-mail and you can affect someone on the other side of the planet. Turn on television or surf the internet and you can find yourself interacting with the planet Mars. We speak of coincidences, and yet there is no such thing: the strange and at times bizarre concurrences of people and events happen by interaction, not by chance. Whatever affects us at one point in our lives affects us at every other point as well. Though it can be frustrating at times, it’s not surprising that when we experience change in one area of life, changes come in other areas as well. That’s what one was going through and it was driving him crazy. Or at least they thought it was. Actually, it wasn’t, and it became necessary to sit the person down and help him to see that what he thought was craziness was really entirely normal. He was not losing his marbles or witnessing the ruination of his life.
2. Crossroads show us the difference between illusion and reality.
The person knew that he was at a crossroads, and that he had to do something. But what to do? Most of us when we face situations like this have one of two reactions. Either we curl up into a little ball of fear or we scatter ourselves all over the place in a fruitless effort to piece things together. Fortunately, there’s another option. Instead of succumbing either to paralysis or to frenzy, we can quiet ourselves and turn to the resources within us for guidance. We can’t think properly or choose properly when we are fearful or panicked. When we take time to calm ourselves and look within, we may well get the impression that rather than thinking, we are being thought through.
When Father Keenan was a boy of about eight or nine, two very puzzling questions occurred to him at about the same time. The first was, "How come I can see everyone else’s face, but not my own?" The second was, "How come everyone talks about thinking, while I don’t feel like I’m thinking, but rather that someone is thinking through me?" He didn’t know it at the time, but later learned that what he was doing in those questions was confronting the deepest mystery of his being. It was rather an awesome thing for a boy of eight or nine to be doing, but there it was, nonetheless. As regards the latter question, it seemed to him that his thoughts were not generated by him, but instead were occurring to him. He was not their source, but he was being led or drawn to them or they to him.
That’s generally the experience one have during meditation. One often come to meditation with the head jammed full of thoughts – that’s how one got the to crossroads in the first place – but once one meditates, it is as though a whole other source of thoughts and ideas has bubbled up. It’s like the old Zen saying, "Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear." Through meditation, one goes beneath our muddied thinking and wait for something new.
As one practice meditation, one becomes aware of a difference between new thoughts and old ones. This is how it seems when one begin to experience the fresh new thoughts that rise up from within self as one meditate. They are inspiring, full of hope, giving a sense of purpose and direction. They move one past the crossroads by moving us above them. That’s the sense of the higher thoughts one gets from meditation. They well up from inside one, and as they do, they expand our vision. One's limits, so cripplingly important just moments ago, now seem old-fashioned and irrelevant. Notice, though, that at this stage, the ideas may not yet yield us concrete solutions to our dilemma. What they do, rather, is show one a new level of thought, and give one the hope that there is more available to us than we formerly thought or perceived. At this stage of meditation, one may not be guided to the perfect job or given the address and phone number at which it is to be found. But he will be given the sense that, to quote Shakespeare, "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." He’ll begin to see reality beyond his limits, and that is an excellent start.
At that new level of thought, one will come to realize the difference between reality and appearances. When one started out, one was 100% certain that onee was experiencing reality. That was reality to one, a hard and somber truth, and there was no way around it. Onee was in big trouble.
Now that he knows that there is a higher level of reality and of thought, One is in a position to re-evaluate the things he took to be true before. He is learning that, though they may be true at the level of his everyday experience, they do not tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth as he had previously thought. At the new level, he experiences himself and his reality as full, flowing and bountiful, whereas his old level revealed himself and his reality to be empty, at a standstill and deficient. At the new level, he realizes that he is one with the abundant flow of everything that is "up" there (or "in" there). At the old level, he felt cut off from everything, picked upon, ganged up on; life had it in for him. He can learn to see that it makes quite a difference which story of reality one pays attention to.
3. Crossroads reveal to us the importance of intention.
Once he has seen that there are resources beyond the limitations of his old way of thinking, one must form the intention to pursue those resources and to truly want what they offer. Without intention, nothing really can happen. It’s like playing pool. It’s one thing to have the billiard balls scattered all over the table. It’s quite another thing to have them all arranged and ready to hit with the cue. In the first instance, there can be no game. In the second instance, there can. Intention takes the fresh ideas One has found in his inner world and focuses their energy, making it possible for them to do their work. If he is to get beyond his crossroads, one must intend to let the truth of those new ideas take precedence over his old ones. He must go so far as to declare his old ideas false and renounce the power they used to hold over him. Intention is the power to step beyond the crossroads by rising above them. He must deny the "truth" that his life is falling apart. He must deny the "truth" that he cannot find work. He must deny the "truth" that he must yield to sickness and misery. He must deny the "truth" that there is nothing out there for him. He must deny the "truth" that his marriage can no longer be successful.
At this point, let me say a word about denial, because I can already hear you thinking, "This guy is encouraging people to be in denial." Here’s where the force of intention comes in. There are two kinds of denial: one without intention and one with intention. The first is what we call "being in denial." It is only in the second kind of denial -- denial plus intention -- that we are able to get beyond our fork in the road. If someone suffers from an addiction, sees the signs and refuses to accept the seriousness of the problem, that is denial, but it is not the kind of "higher denial" that I am talking about. The kind of denial they need to make is to deny that they must necessarily be forever held hostage to the circumstances that they see or the past they have had or the narrow future they envision. That’s the kind of denial I am talking about. It’s very different, because it requires looking directly at the phenomena you are trying to overcome, not turning a blind eye to them.
So, then, we want one to set an intention in order to move past his crossroads. And the precise intention we want him to set is this: "I intend to accept the view of reality gleaned from my inner wisdom as true, and I intend to find the view of reality gleaned from my previous outer experience as false." He is saying yes to abundance, limitlessness, freedom, and the realm of all possibilities. He is saying no to lack, limitation, fatalism and obstacles.
To do this is to cross a Rubicon. one would take off to be alone with himself. Often negative thinking of those around the one to be healed could prevent the healing from taking place. Those who could accept this challenge that they would have the things they had left behind in abundance, plus eternal life. That’s why we refer to this spiritual thinking as "higher" thought. It requires a release from the lower, but far from destroying the lower (though it appears to), it transforms the lower by revealing possibilities heretofore unseen in it.
4. When we realize the importance of intention, we can look back and see that the crossroads were really a mirage.
Once one has grasped the importance of intention, one has the ability to get past our crossroads. Once the ideas of the mental realm are accepted as true and the ideas of the realm of everyday experience are accepted as false, the ideas of the mental realm are empowered and enabled to exert their influence upon the person. At this point, there is very little one need to do except sustain one's intention and watch. What will begin to happen is that occurrences will begin to unfold along the lines of one's intention far more readily than if the person had tried to jump in and make them happen. Literally, the person will find themselves receiving guidance from the things that happen to one every day. With old vision, one would have said that these were unrelated and accidental; and probably would have given them no notice. But now with new vision, one is allowing being to unfold according to its own lines, its best lines; and one allow it to teach and guide themselves. In our everyday world, one are often praised for being the captain of our ship; in actual point of fact it is much more interesting to be disciples of being, watching, learning as we go, finding the right information and opportunities opening up before us just as we need them. Rumi, the Sufi poet and mystic of the thirteenth century, said it well: "We fritter away all of our energy devising and executing schemes to become that which we already are." In truth, we don’t have to go out and build reality from scratch; all we have to do, really, is to intend to let it happen around us. It will.
One to ask me what to do about his crossroads, I might share with him the story of how I got my present job as radio co-host of "Religion on the Line" and Director of Radio Ministry for the Archdiocese of New York. Back in 1988, I was an associate pastor at St. James Church on the Lower East Side of New York City. I was floundering a bit, having just recovered from a near-fatal illness and an unfortunate misunderstanding with my colleagues at my previous parish (see my Good News for Bad Days: Living a Soulful Life, Warner Books, 1998 for details on both). I had always been a great lover of radio, and long had had the dream of becoming a broadcaster, though I never dreamed it would be possible for me as a priest. One Sunday morning, I went down to the rectory kitchen to make breakfast. I turned on the radio, adjusted the dial and heard a program where three men were having a conversation. It turned out that one was a rabbi, one a minister and one a priest; and it was fascinating. Listening further, I learned that the show was called "Religion on the Line," and that it was on WABC every Sunday morning. I remember thinking to myself, "Wow, I’d really like to be on that show." That was about the long and short of that thought. It didn’t occur to me to do anything about it, and I more or less went about my business in the parish.
A few months later, my pastor, Monsignor Kevin O’Brien, encouraged me to take a course in broadcasting at New York University. He knew of my love for radio, and thought I should consider putting it to use. It turned out to be a very positive experience, and whetted my whistle as far as radio was concerned. Among my parochial duties at the time was my tenure as Chairman of the Board of the Lower East Side Catholic Area Conference. At the time, we were looking to develop our ministry to Chinese Catholics (Chinatown is part of the Lower East Side), and we were planning a day-long retreat for our Chinese Catholics in one of our churches. At a meeting, someone suggested that the radio program "Religion on the Line" would be a good publicity vehicle for the retreat. I called the Catholic priest on the program, and he generously invited a group of Chinese Catholics and me to be guests on the show. As I was leaving the studio after the interview, I mentioned to the priest that I was interested in doing radio, and that if he ever needed a substitute on a Sunday, I’d like him to think of me.
Months went by, and I had just arrived at a new assignment when I received a call from Joseph Zwilling, the Director of the Office of Communications at the Archdiocese of New York. Joe and I had never met, but he wanted me to know that the priest who was hosting "Religion on the Line" had to be away for the summer, and had recommended me as a possible substitute. Was I interested? The answer was obvious.
As a result of that summer’s trial by fire, which I loved, I decided to start a program of my own, which would be called "As You Think." I went to Joe Zwilling’s office to meet him and to let the Archdiocese know what I was thinking of doing. As I walked into his office, it hit me: "I would really like to work here." My next phone call from Joe Zwilling, a few weeks later, was to offer me the use of a spare office in his department to work on publicity and fundraising for "As You Think." As time went on, I joined the office on a part time basis, then full-time as an Assistant Director, and later still received the title of Director of Radio Ministry. Somewhere along the way, I became full-time co-host of "Religion on the Line," which position I have thoroughly enjoyed for eleven years now.
Was I lucky? Yes and no. From one point of view, I was and am very fortunate, indeed. But it was not "dumb luck." Along the way, I kept being guided to new intentions that, without any doing on my part, arranged meetings, situations and events for the highest good of all, including mine. Behind those intentions was my overall intention to do the work God gave me to do. That intention opened up the doorway to God and all of the other doors that opened thereafter.
What’s the message here? Let’s go back to Flannery O’Connor: "The writer operates at a peculiar crossroads where time and place and eternity somehow meet. His {or her} problem is to find that location." The crossroads that right now may seem to you to be impassable and impossible, seen from another point of view are the meeting of time and place and eternity. Your meeting. Relax, realize that you’re not getting the whole truth from what you see. Open your mind and heart to the possibility of a higher truth, a truth that replaces limitation with opportunity, impossibility with infinite possibilities, and despair with pulsating hope. Deny the truths you have been living by. Affirm the intention that your higher vision is the truth. Go back to your life, and let yourself be guided.
Others also says these:
Occasionally the saying "nothing ventured, nothing gained" will get whispered in my ear by an inner voice to help give me a needed nudge forward. Other times feelings of dread will build inside my being simply by a mere thought of making a change. I will then heed that dread emotion as a signal to think twice before taking the plunge. Using your gut instincts can be very helpful in decision making.
Taking the Plunge When Making Decisions
At this point, let me say a word about denial, because I can already hear you thinking, "This guy is encouraging people to be in denial." Here’s where the force of intention comes in. There are two kinds of denial: one without intention and one with intention. The first is what we call "being in denial." It is only in the second kind of denial -- denial plus intention -- that we are able to get beyond our fork in the road. If someone suffers from an addiction, sees the signs and refuses to accept the seriousness of the problem, that is denial, but it is not the kind of "higher denial" that I am talking about. The kind of denial they need to make is to deny that they must necessarily be forever held hostage to the circumstances that they see or the past they have had or the narrow future they envision. That’s the kind of denial I am talking about. It’s very different, because it requires looking directly at the phenomena you are trying to overcome, not turning a blind eye to them.
So, then, we want one to set an intention in order to move past his crossroads. And the precise intention we want him to set is this: "I intend to accept the view of reality gleaned from my inner wisdom as true, and I intend to find the view of reality gleaned from my previous outer experience as false." He is saying yes to abundance, limitlessness, freedom, and the realm of all possibilities. He is saying no to lack, limitation, fatalism and obstacles.
To do this is to cross a Rubicon. one would take off to be alone with himself. Often negative thinking of those around the one to be healed could prevent the healing from taking place. Those who could accept this challenge that they would have the things they had left behind in abundance, plus eternal life. That’s why we refer to this spiritual thinking as "higher" thought. It requires a release from the lower, but far from destroying the lower (though it appears to), it transforms the lower by revealing possibilities heretofore unseen in it.
4. When we realize the importance of intention, we can look back and see that the crossroads were really a mirage.
Once one has grasped the importance of intention, one has the ability to get past our crossroads. Once the ideas of the mental realm are accepted as true and the ideas of the realm of everyday experience are accepted as false, the ideas of the mental realm are empowered and enabled to exert their influence upon the person. At this point, there is very little one need to do except sustain one's intention and watch. What will begin to happen is that occurrences will begin to unfold along the lines of one's intention far more readily than if the person had tried to jump in and make them happen. Literally, the person will find themselves receiving guidance from the things that happen to one every day. With old vision, one would have said that these were unrelated and accidental; and probably would have given them no notice. But now with new vision, one is allowing being to unfold according to its own lines, its best lines; and one allow it to teach and guide themselves. In our everyday world, one are often praised for being the captain of our ship; in actual point of fact it is much more interesting to be disciples of being, watching, learning as we go, finding the right information and opportunities opening up before us just as we need them. Rumi, the Sufi poet and mystic of the thirteenth century, said it well: "We fritter away all of our energy devising and executing schemes to become that which we already are." In truth, we don’t have to go out and build reality from scratch; all we have to do, really, is to intend to let it happen around us. It will.
One to ask me what to do about his crossroads, I might share with him the story of how I got my present job as radio co-host of "Religion on the Line" and Director of Radio Ministry for the Archdiocese of New York. Back in 1988, I was an associate pastor at St. James Church on the Lower East Side of New York City. I was floundering a bit, having just recovered from a near-fatal illness and an unfortunate misunderstanding with my colleagues at my previous parish (see my Good News for Bad Days: Living a Soulful Life, Warner Books, 1998 for details on both). I had always been a great lover of radio, and long had had the dream of becoming a broadcaster, though I never dreamed it would be possible for me as a priest. One Sunday morning, I went down to the rectory kitchen to make breakfast. I turned on the radio, adjusted the dial and heard a program where three men were having a conversation. It turned out that one was a rabbi, one a minister and one a priest; and it was fascinating. Listening further, I learned that the show was called "Religion on the Line," and that it was on WABC every Sunday morning. I remember thinking to myself, "Wow, I’d really like to be on that show." That was about the long and short of that thought. It didn’t occur to me to do anything about it, and I more or less went about my business in the parish.
A few months later, my pastor, Monsignor Kevin O’Brien, encouraged me to take a course in broadcasting at New York University. He knew of my love for radio, and thought I should consider putting it to use. It turned out to be a very positive experience, and whetted my whistle as far as radio was concerned. Among my parochial duties at the time was my tenure as Chairman of the Board of the Lower East Side Catholic Area Conference. At the time, we were looking to develop our ministry to Chinese Catholics (Chinatown is part of the Lower East Side), and we were planning a day-long retreat for our Chinese Catholics in one of our churches. At a meeting, someone suggested that the radio program "Religion on the Line" would be a good publicity vehicle for the retreat. I called the Catholic priest on the program, and he generously invited a group of Chinese Catholics and me to be guests on the show. As I was leaving the studio after the interview, I mentioned to the priest that I was interested in doing radio, and that if he ever needed a substitute on a Sunday, I’d like him to think of me.
Months went by, and I had just arrived at a new assignment when I received a call from Joseph Zwilling, the Director of the Office of Communications at the Archdiocese of New York. Joe and I had never met, but he wanted me to know that the priest who was hosting "Religion on the Line" had to be away for the summer, and had recommended me as a possible substitute. Was I interested? The answer was obvious.
As a result of that summer’s trial by fire, which I loved, I decided to start a program of my own, which would be called "As You Think." I went to Joe Zwilling’s office to meet him and to let the Archdiocese know what I was thinking of doing. As I walked into his office, it hit me: "I would really like to work here." My next phone call from Joe Zwilling, a few weeks later, was to offer me the use of a spare office in his department to work on publicity and fundraising for "As You Think." As time went on, I joined the office on a part time basis, then full-time as an Assistant Director, and later still received the title of Director of Radio Ministry. Somewhere along the way, I became full-time co-host of "Religion on the Line," which position I have thoroughly enjoyed for eleven years now.
Was I lucky? Yes and no. From one point of view, I was and am very fortunate, indeed. But it was not "dumb luck." Along the way, I kept being guided to new intentions that, without any doing on my part, arranged meetings, situations and events for the highest good of all, including mine. Behind those intentions was my overall intention to do the work God gave me to do. That intention opened up the doorway to God and all of the other doors that opened thereafter.
What’s the message here? Let’s go back to Flannery O’Connor: "The writer operates at a peculiar crossroads where time and place and eternity somehow meet. His {or her} problem is to find that location." The crossroads that right now may seem to you to be impassable and impossible, seen from another point of view are the meeting of time and place and eternity. Your meeting. Relax, realize that you’re not getting the whole truth from what you see. Open your mind and heart to the possibility of a higher truth, a truth that replaces limitation with opportunity, impossibility with infinite possibilities, and despair with pulsating hope. Deny the truths you have been living by. Affirm the intention that your higher vision is the truth. Go back to your life, and let yourself be guided.
Others also says these:
Occasionally the saying "nothing ventured, nothing gained" will get whispered in my ear by an inner voice to help give me a needed nudge forward. Other times feelings of dread will build inside my being simply by a mere thought of making a change. I will then heed that dread emotion as a signal to think twice before taking the plunge. Using your gut instincts can be very helpful in decision making.
Taking the Plunge When Making Decisions
Truthfully, I almost never take a plunge into anything without mulling it over twice, or even thrice. At times I feel disgusted with myself for not being able to joyfully jump into things full-heartedly, instead I'm generally testing the water with my toes beforehand. I don't particularly like water bubbling up my nose. I realize that I tend to over analyze situations, living in my head too much. By not allowing my heart to beat any extra beats, I often feel as if I am stifling my creativity in these moments. At the same time I figure I've probably saved myself plenty of headaches by not routinely making quick misjudgments.
Stop, Caution, Go
Decision makers can be categorized in three groups. These groups correlate with a traffic stoplight.
Red lights
These are individuals who often feel frozen in fear when faced with making a decision. They are resistant to change and have great difficulty making decisions. They tend to have to have the rug pulled out from under them before they will move to safer ground.
Yellow lights
These people are caution oriented individuals who will look both ways before venturing into the traffic. They will weigh the pros and cons of any given situation before deciding.
Green lights
Here are the adventuresome type. They leap without looking, figuring that all will go well (they have the right-of-way after all). These people could use a refresher course in defensive driving as they do get themselves in sticky predicaments at times.
What type of decision maker are you?
Red Light - Blocked or Stymied
Yellow Light - Proceed with Caution
Green Light - Right A Way
These groups indicate rigid characteristics, Most people fall into a blend of these groups. Each decision we make is different and our reactions will vary accordingly.
We make minor decisions every day of our lives. The decision I had to make yesterday was selecting what shade of throw pillows to go with our new sofa. My husband and I were standing in the Martha Stewart section at Kmart looking over the various pillows. Our sofa's fabric is a sage paisley pattern with brown and burgundy accents. We made a mutual decision and went home with some plush brown pillows. After returning home we soon realized that the brown didn't coordinate nicely with the couch. An hour later Joe drove back to the store and exchanged the brown with some burgundy pillows. They look quite lovely with our sofa. This is an example of a decision that can be easily reversed.
However, life doesn't always seem to allow a retreat option in our decision making. When the decision we are facing is a life changing one is it any wonder we stop dead in our tracks when we come at a these crossroads along our life path?
Below is a quick list of some significant decisions that people are met with. What is decided ultimately impacts their lives for many years that follow.
What type of decision maker are you?
Red Light - Blocked or Stymied
Yellow Light - Proceed with Caution
Green Light - Right A Way
These groups indicate rigid characteristics, Most people fall into a blend of these groups. Each decision we make is different and our reactions will vary accordingly.
We make minor decisions every day of our lives. The decision I had to make yesterday was selecting what shade of throw pillows to go with our new sofa. My husband and I were standing in the Martha Stewart section at Kmart looking over the various pillows. Our sofa's fabric is a sage paisley pattern with brown and burgundy accents. We made a mutual decision and went home with some plush brown pillows. After returning home we soon realized that the brown didn't coordinate nicely with the couch. An hour later Joe drove back to the store and exchanged the brown with some burgundy pillows. They look quite lovely with our sofa. This is an example of a decision that can be easily reversed.
However, life doesn't always seem to allow a retreat option in our decision making. When the decision we are facing is a life changing one is it any wonder we stop dead in our tracks when we come at a these crossroads along our life path?
Below is a quick list of some significant decisions that people are met with. What is decided ultimately impacts their lives for many years that follow.
- Career Options
- Choosing A Vocation
- Education
- Marriage / Divorce
- Pregnancy / Parenthood
- Relocating
- Retirement Planning
- Health Care Alternatives
Fact gathering and seeking advice is recommended. Advice from a good friend or counselor can be helpful in these circumstances. Sometimes we are too emotionally connected to the situation to see clearly all the details involved in making a wise decision. Whereas someone detached from the drama is likely to be able to show more objectivity. Although we may wish that someone else would step in to make tough decisions for us, the final decision remains ours to make.
Fears of Making Bad Decisions
Over the years I have counseled many clients about decisions they are faced with. Most often they have been either relationship or job related. Normally the problem I feel they are facing is not in making the decision itself, but more trying to move past the fear of making a wrong choice. I will have them imagine the best and the worst outcomes, scripting the different scenarios for each situation to help weigh out the advantages/disadvantages. I also emphasize that there truly are no wrong choices, only different paths.
Alternate Choices
During a period of time when I felt very stuck and could not decide between decision A or decision B, a good friend of mine pointed out to me that by doing nothing (remaining stuck) I had made decision C. Decisions aren't always based on either this or that options, look for door number 3, or door number 4. Stay alert for side exits or hidden entry ways. Our choices are seldom black or white, alternative pathways can be found in the gray areas.
There Are No Wrong Choices
We can't know what all the future holds for us. There are no guarantees. As much as I have struggled with making decisions in my life I am very happy that I have had so many choices offered to me. Yes, I've made some poor choices, but along with those choices came challenges and opportunities that I would not have experienced otherwise. For this reason I do not believe there are wrong or right choices. Whatever decisions we make, they will ultimately thrust us into life situations (both positive and negative). As the opportunities being gifted to us unfold in our lifes we will grow our spirits. And in my humble opinion, spiritual growth was likely the grander plan anyhow.
Another story to share:
Are you stuck at the CROSSROADS OF LIFE?
by Gordon Alexander
A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting in a little park at the center of the Universe, at a place once known as Barney's Busy Corners.
It is where the cities of Akron, Tallmadge, and Cuyahoga Falls Ohio all meet. It is today one of the busiest intersections in the state where six high-traffic roads meet.
Well, I watched this car come up Howe Rd. from the East, and when it got into the middle of the intersection it STOPPED.
Horns started blowing, people were yelling.
So I jumped up from my maple stump grandstand, and ran (OK, I now jog, but it feels the same as running used to) to the car, thinking something was wrong.
There was a little old man driving, and his little old wife was screaming at him. They were lost. They didn't know which way to turn. And in all the confusion, the guy just stopped. I asked where he was going, and then I received an amazing answer.
He said, "I don't know. I can't remember."
Well, it's kind of hard to give directions to someone who is clueless as to the destination. Isn't it?
I directed him to a little parking lot up Howe Rd., a sewing machine repair shop, and then I ran after him. The crowds were cheering and waving at me. Many with just one finger.
Anyhow.
When I got there, the couple were fuming at each other, and I asked again where they were trying to go. The gentleman told me he was meeting someone at a restaurant, but couldn't remember the name of it. He also said he lost the directions to the place.
Well, I know this area like the proverbial back of my hand, so I took a stab,"Old Country Buffet?"
"YES", he exclaimed. It wasn’t that I got lucky, they fit the profile.
So I sent them on their way with simple directions.
Turn left at the next light. Turn right at the first light after that. Piece of cake directions, it was easy when I knew where they wanted to go.
After this encounter, I continued my walk, and thought about what had happened.
See, I spent my youth at that intersection. When most of this 5 lane cement highway was a dirt road. When one of the busiest malls in America was an old farm, where I walked my dog.
Where the strip plaza was a golf course where I learned to play the game quickly (so I wouldn't get caught for sneaking on).
And where I used to stand at the exact same spot where that man had frozen. But in those remnant Happy Days of the early 60's, I could stand on that spot for several minutes before a car would come along.
I would stand with my compass. And map.
It was a map of the world. And I figured out where everything was. Going over top of the Saksa's house would take me to Toronto. Down Howe Rd. I'd get to Virginia Beach. Over the water tower, and I'd be in California.
See, I had a map. And a compass. And a desire to see the world. And I stood at that intersection and plotted my course. On how I would get to all these "exotic" places. How I could make that journey. I didn't know then but the U.S. Navy was going to be my ticket to those far away places I dreamt about from that intersection. I imagined walking the beaches of Hawaii, one of my earliest childhood dreams. And 12 years later as I was walking the warm sands of Maui, I thought of that intersection.
I tossed a glance eastward from atop a hill in Hong Kong. I looked North from the Panama Canal. I imagined a straight line from the deep South Pacific, where water magically runs down the drain the "wrong" way. I always made a connection to that Intersection. That crossroads I had left behind seeking adventure.
Now I sit at the center of my old universe, and watch the cars fly by. All in a hurry. All speeding toward the mall, or the movies, or a restaurant. They travel quickly. And it is not unusual to see people turning in front of cars at the last second, because they don't know where they are going.
Oh, most have a destination. But many lack directions. And then there came a man, when asked where he was trying to get to, said: 'I DON'T KNOW'.
It caught me by surprise.
And so I ask you. Do you have a destination? Do you have directions on how to get there? Or are you like the man frozen at the crossroads of life? The one who does not know where he WANTS TO GO.
That man, the one who stopped at my intersection, he was frustrated. He reminded me of many people I know. They are constantly going to DO something, to BE someone, to GO somewhere. They are going to change their life. Because they are not satisfied with it. Because they don't have enough money. Or they lack things. Or something.
But they are like the man that was trapped in the confusion of POSSIBILITY, at the crossroads of life.
Some of my friends could be RICH, if only. If only they could get a break. If only they had some money to bring their idea to market. If, if, if. IF
IF they could choose the right path. The right road.
The one that leads to success.
Lately, in this little lake of the Internet there has been a lot of talk about "gurus" and teachers and marketers. That's what this neck of the net is all about. And there has been discussion, much too much in my opinion, about who's material, who's information is the best, which one works. etc. etc.
Friends, all that stuff, all that HOW TO material, including my CHATTEL REPORT and UTTER POWER tape, all that is just a map.
A guide. But it's not the same as REALITY. The map I had of Hong Kong as a kid was filled full of pictures, wonderful and fascinating POSSIBILITY, but it was NOTHING like the real thing.
AS more than a few modern gurus are apt to say, the MAP is NOT THE TERRITORY. It only represents the real thing. And there are many ways to get to where you want to go.
If you know where that is.
Can you identify the road that will lead you to DEFINITE HAPPINESS? Can you pick the road that takes you to your destination?
I consider myself to be a map maker. I'm that little old man sitting at the intersection, just waiting for someone to ask me directions so I can point and tell them which way to go.
I can do that, if they know where they are trying to get to. But when a man says, "I DON'T KNOW" to the question,
'where do you WANT to go?"
THEN,
it gets kind of hard. In the CHATTEL REPORT, I gave you a plan, a 12 week road map to take you to a destination. And also in the report I told you: THESE ARE MY DIRECTIONS, you are free and encouraged to make your own. You can use my map as a general guideline, to get a feel for the territory, but you can change directions, take different roads, because it is YOUR JOURNEY.
I read last week on another board about a man, a Realtor I believe, who was making good money, 90 thousand a year as I remember. And 90k affords you a decent lifestyle, a 90k lifestyle. And I think he was looking to get out of what he was doing and wanted to do something else, but something that could replace his income. And it sounded like he was in a hurry.
He was looking for a map. And there are many available. But I want to tell one thing. One thing I have learned. Something I did NOT know as a young boy standing with my map and compass in hand, mentally traveling the world from the center of my universe.
I did not know that I could have chosen ANY of those roads and been happy. I did not realize that ANY of the roads could have led me to what I was seeking. I did not understand that the destination was the result of the traveler.
That I took my destination WITH ME.
I have friends who hate HAWAII, too crowded, too commercial. Others hate Hong Kong, or Toykyo, many hate New York City. Or Mexico City. Or Los Angeles, or West Palm Beach.
All places I love. I haven't yet been to a place I can hate. And I now know the reason. It is what I take along. And since I still somehow maintain that youthful enthusiasm for the different. For the unknown, for the "exotic", I enter my travels wide eyed and in awe.
Expecting to find interesting and warm people (ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL).
Expecting to see different ideas, different cultures, and to meet different people. The DESTINATION, wherever it may be in the day, is part of a larger journey. A journey through my life.
And I would ask you to consider your life, the one you have TODAY. The one you are living this moment. And if you are in any way unhappy, or frustrated, or disenfranchised with YOUR life, then I would once again ask that question that I ask so often:
WHAT IS IT YOU WANT? and WHY DO YOU WANT IT?
Where will your wants take you? Where do you want to get to? And how can you live fully as you travel toward something, a better tomorrow, a better place to be, and not use up too much of TODAY, worrying about your past, or longing toward you future?
That's my thought of the day.
The MAP MAKER.
Gordon Alexander
Let's hope we can all faced crossroads with ease.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Values
When one is sorely tested, the values that are being treasured begin to come out.
I have heard of this incident from a friend.
Her boss deviate far too much from the rule to make an exception for another colleague in the job she was handling.
She is usually quite numbed to feeling especially when she knows how her boss works. But this time round, she cannot help but feel indignant.
She cannot understand why her boss handles it that way.
Is it fair as a boss to bend the rules so much for the colleague?
Why does the boss have to do that? Because the boss needed her to do work or he and she had some hanky-panky going on?
Then my friend realised after a while, what she is feeling is in fact, her values. Her values are sorely tested that is why the reaction is so strong. She seeks justice for those who had the same thing happened to them. Why should there be a deviation if that is the rule on an important issue? All the more there should be transparency to prevent confusion and let everyone be clear that they will be taken care in the same procedure. Of course since it is not a good thing, no announcement or exaggeration is the best for everyone so that there is no embarrassment or whatsoever.
My friend cannot understand why the boss has to treat her differently when all she did was to do her work.
But that is not the main issue.
The main issue here is she found what she would like to uphold even in the worst times.
Fairness, justice and transparency.
Not even human relationships can force her to do what she do not wish to do.
Ironically, she has to thank her boss for bringing out the values she had in her.
Can you ever recall an event or an experience that you had that you find yourself feeling indignant and wronged that the right things must be restored?
What exactly are those right things?
I have heard of this incident from a friend.
Her boss deviate far too much from the rule to make an exception for another colleague in the job she was handling.
She is usually quite numbed to feeling especially when she knows how her boss works. But this time round, she cannot help but feel indignant.
She cannot understand why her boss handles it that way.
Is it fair as a boss to bend the rules so much for the colleague?
Why does the boss have to do that? Because the boss needed her to do work or he and she had some hanky-panky going on?
Then my friend realised after a while, what she is feeling is in fact, her values. Her values are sorely tested that is why the reaction is so strong. She seeks justice for those who had the same thing happened to them. Why should there be a deviation if that is the rule on an important issue? All the more there should be transparency to prevent confusion and let everyone be clear that they will be taken care in the same procedure. Of course since it is not a good thing, no announcement or exaggeration is the best for everyone so that there is no embarrassment or whatsoever.
My friend cannot understand why the boss has to treat her differently when all she did was to do her work.
But that is not the main issue.
The main issue here is she found what she would like to uphold even in the worst times.
Fairness, justice and transparency.
Not even human relationships can force her to do what she do not wish to do.
Ironically, she has to thank her boss for bringing out the values she had in her.
Can you ever recall an event or an experience that you had that you find yourself feeling indignant and wronged that the right things must be restored?
What exactly are those right things?
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
CONGRUENCE
A lot of people do not realise the meaning of congruence.
Congruence in the dictionary is stated as
Why is this important?
Think of this scenario.
Imagine I ask you to shake your head and at the same time say Yes.
How do you feel?
You feel as if you are being possessed. It is so awkward and mentally draining to ensure this is done as it is a deviation from the norm of nodding head and saying yes.
That is an example of incongruence.
Often, people will say they are very direct and frank but in fact they are not. Nobody can do it consistently unless you are a robot.
If they insist they can, they must be lying. At some point in time, the listener will remember that this person did say this in the past yet deny it at the end.
When the listener discover this misalignment, they are not going to take it down well. They will take it as a form of betayal or the other person is untruthful due to lack of trust. This person in the act of self-defence will start to tell lies to the other person. How sad can that be if these two persons are close friends? The damage to the friendship could never be repaired and both party will drift away as it is tiring to guess if the other person is telling the truth every time.
One can try to be as congruent as they can, however when they interests is at stake, the prioritising has to be done.
The congruence eventually gets sacrifice due to the context-specific reasons.
A simple illustration would show this.
For instance Danny told Kinsley that he does not like sausages and will never eat them in his entire life again. He will not even recommend sausages to anyone because of its weird taste.
Kinsley took it to heart and remind himself of his friends' eating habit.
However, not too long later, Kinsley found Danny taking part in the most unlikely competition - racing with others on who can finish the most number of sausage buns.
Why?
Because Danny is out of job and the competition would reward the winner with $100k.
Danny's belief was sacrifice due to his desire for $$.
Can anyone blame the other person for such sacrifice?
I don't think anyone can.
Just feel sad and pity for the person because the person do not know himself or herself well so they make the sweeping statement to say they are congruent in mind and body.
Congruence is not easily achieved in this complex society with a lot of traps and desires beckoning people.
Congruence in the dictionary is stated as
Agreement, harmony, conformity, or correspondence.What congruence I am talking about here is the alignment of thoughts and actions and expressions.
Why is this important?
Think of this scenario.
Imagine I ask you to shake your head and at the same time say Yes.
How do you feel?
You feel as if you are being possessed. It is so awkward and mentally draining to ensure this is done as it is a deviation from the norm of nodding head and saying yes.
That is an example of incongruence.
Often, people will say they are very direct and frank but in fact they are not. Nobody can do it consistently unless you are a robot.
If they insist they can, they must be lying. At some point in time, the listener will remember that this person did say this in the past yet deny it at the end.
When the listener discover this misalignment, they are not going to take it down well. They will take it as a form of betayal or the other person is untruthful due to lack of trust. This person in the act of self-defence will start to tell lies to the other person. How sad can that be if these two persons are close friends? The damage to the friendship could never be repaired and both party will drift away as it is tiring to guess if the other person is telling the truth every time.
One can try to be as congruent as they can, however when they interests is at stake, the prioritising has to be done.
The congruence eventually gets sacrifice due to the context-specific reasons.
A simple illustration would show this.
For instance Danny told Kinsley that he does not like sausages and will never eat them in his entire life again. He will not even recommend sausages to anyone because of its weird taste.
Kinsley took it to heart and remind himself of his friends' eating habit.
However, not too long later, Kinsley found Danny taking part in the most unlikely competition - racing with others on who can finish the most number of sausage buns.
Why?
Because Danny is out of job and the competition would reward the winner with $100k.
Danny's belief was sacrifice due to his desire for $$.
Can anyone blame the other person for such sacrifice?
I don't think anyone can.
Just feel sad and pity for the person because the person do not know himself or herself well so they make the sweeping statement to say they are congruent in mind and body.
Congruence is not easily achieved in this complex society with a lot of traps and desires beckoning people.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
100% performance
"If we did all we were capable of doing, we would literally astonish ourselves."
From young, we explore and visualise a myriad of occupations that fascinate us and hope that we would one day do it. Imagine if we are able to do it one by one, how amazing is that?
However, most of us often end up being NATO. Not the the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation but No Action, Talk Only.
Why?
We are fearful of stepping out of the comfort zone, even though we plan meticulously to succeed.
Just like the Hem in the Who moved my cheese, though we know we must be cautious and plan every step carefully, we eventually let fear stop us from playing the game.
Not only was the dream smashed, our motivation is killed by the obsession on the fear of the unknown that we look forward to nothing each day and convince ourselves that nothing is worth pursuing as the risks is definitely more than the advantages of pursuing.
However, that is wrong.
Often, when one step out and explore beyond the comfort zone, they find another thing or arrangement that is far more superior than what is present.
Then one being to wonder how can we not see this earlier?
We of course cant as we are blinded by fear.
Fear is often the result of thinking too much. It is a sign that you are reading beyond what is between those lines that it creates such a negative picture or emotions that one seeks to avoid at all costs.
Where does the fear comes from?
The fear stems from the fear of being hurt, the fear of pain, the fear of failure to meet expectations and the fear of losing self-worth as it is impinged on ability to carve a success for oneself.
However, beautiful things comes from struggle. It is through the period of struggle that one learnt a lot of things so when they emerge from the struggle, they become beautiful creatures. Just like the butterfly after going through the tough period of metamorphosis. No matter how painful it is, it is beneficial to the butterfly as it can use the period of struggle to oil its wings so that when it emerges it can spread its wings and soar with ease.
Likewise for humans, we have to go through the struggle no matter how painful it is. It is through this painful testing that we equip ourselves with the necessary tools for the future.
Another reason for hindering 100% performance is the lack of commitment. I tend to find that using the peer pressure is a useful way of doing this.
Just announce to everyone that you are going to do certain things. People will naturally remind you when they enquire about the progress of your work. Naturally, to prevent loss of face, one will buck up and push for the things they need to finish.
No matter what ways or reasons, they should not be the ones that hinders the 100% performance that you are able to give. It is just a waste of energy thinking and potential to influence the rest of the world.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
At the deathbed
"Will you look back on life and say, "I wish I had," or "I'm glad I did"?"
Though it is a bit morbid to think of this, but when one is at the deathbed, what usually flashes across his or her mind when they lie on the bed with their bodies unmoving?
It is the flashes of memories on the good and bad things done, the completed and uncompleted events, the satisfactions and the regrets all rushed to engulf the person.
The things that will haunt the person the most is usually the regrets.
Things that are not explored or done. Even though one had a bucket list at the end, there are things that can be done at a certain age and once that passed, one can do nothing about it.
Perhaps when one think of their goals, they may want to map out their legacy as well.
Think of it as a movie or filmstrip.
What would you like to fill up the filmstrip with? Regrets or adventures?
Visualise how you would look like if you manage with the 100% performance.
Your background, your activity that you are engaged in, your ability to do it, your skills to do it, your talents in it and most importantly your expressions and your feelings about it.
Right from young.
Try it see how this works.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Make Time
"You will never find time for anything. If you want time you must make it. "
Now that one have realised that habits need time to form, some may question how do I have time to do it? I dont even have time to sleep!
If you are a student, you are probably consumed by your studies and work assignments.
If you are working, you are probably exhausted by the grind of your regular work.
How to find time?
Well, the answer is to MAKE TIME, as suggested by Charles Buxton.
How to make time?
One may ask.
Well, it depends on individual priorities and commitments.
1) What you can sacrifice and what you cannot sacrifice.
2)As someone suggest to me, set a worklist for yourself.
At each day, list out in terms of 30mins, what you can achieve. Nevermind if it is your working time, you still need some time to relax and think of other things. You can conceptualise what you want to do and execute later so that it can be done efficiently.
3) Next, find out where you waste the most time.
You will be amazed by how much time is wasted on procrastinating, fearing and preparing for the worst, chit chatting and mindless surfing on the web and watch TV.
Never procrastination otherwise opportunities is nowhere.
4) Show the commitment
Tell people that you are doing this so that when people ask u for development on your work, you are constantly reminded to finish what you have promised.
Alternatively, you can pay the money 1st and put your foot where your mouth is.
5) Make it the most important thing in your life
Similar to the analogy of earning $, the first thing is to pay yourself 1st. Pay attention to your dreams first then work through the secondaries quickly to do your priorities.
6) Make the goal, simple, realistic and achievable.
No point wasting time crafting something that you need to break down again to measure the progress of development.
Monday, February 14, 2011
MOTIVATION vs HABIT
"Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going."
Hopefully, you have a fun lesson of travelling back into the past to extract whatever dreams that you have to make yourself more aware.
Now after the motivation is found, let's talk about how to sustain it.
This is the most tricky and difficult part.
According to the quote above, after motivation is found, there must be steps to follow through so that the goal is realised.
Habits which are a series of repeated routines in our daily lives, keeps the motivation alive as the rationale of motivation is refreshed over and over again through the routine.
With the courtesy of Mis Parton, we continue to use her as a role model.
A summary on the last activity done, she favours the media industry so now she has to try out which job in the media industry is her forte so that she can develop it.
In order to do that she has to find time in her daily hectic schedule so that a series of routine can be developed.
How to branch out from the media industry?
She has singled activities like photography, video editing, scriptwriting and directing.
Now she has to plan a schedule so that each day she did one activity or project focusing on it and brush up on her skills. That activity must be measurable so that it becomes a yardstick for gauge her interests.
For instance, she can try to use her camera to take photographs at least 100 photographs in a week with techniques learnt from the books or courses.
She can also try her skills at making videos for each and every upcoming video competition or set a theme for her project.
She can also write a script based on an area of interest for 1 month, doing the research, setting the scene and down to the format of the script that are used in the industry.
She can try to observe facial expressions, watch more plays, try out the expressions so that she can direct and write down the notes that how to invoke that kind of feelings in order to get the expression. This will guide her future actors along.
All these activities must have a checklist of subgoals to fulfill so that the success of the motivation can be gauge so a routine is absolutely neccessary to achieve it as success comes from a series of hard work.
Why not try to make a list of activities with measurable goals and start to work on them now.
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Motivation towards goal achievement
"Motivation is the art of getting people to do what you want them to do because they want to do it."
By this quote, is that what a life coach supposed to do?
Find people's motivation so that they can proceed on to what they want to do in life because that's what they want and love it?
The question is how to get the motivation of people?
There is one such activity. I have invited Miss Dolly Parton, a very close friend of mine to participate.
1) Take out a piece of paper. As big as you can find because you need to brainstorm and mindmap at the same time.
2) Let your mind wander.
3) Think back of the oldest piece of memory that you have.
Parton: For me I thought of sand, sandcastles, evening 5pm, buckets, mum, pavilion, 8pm, sleeping on mum's thighs, force to bath, mum chasing, call my daddy, sobbing, climbing the chairs, kick the doors for fund, 7pm, strolling after dinner, birds chirping on trees, darkness, chong pang.
4) Think of the 1st job that you want as a child.
5) Nevermind if it sounds childish to you at your age. But at the age of a child, there is nothing wrong with the profession. In fact, there is a goodness in the profession that the child wants to emulate. Find out the reasons why you aspire to be one.
Parton: For me, the first job I ever wanted was to be a policeman.
Why?
Parton: Because my own father is one and secondly, it is a noble job, fighting crimes, outwit the felons, help others, show my abilities to the extreme. I even dreamt of becoming the first woman to yell command at the Padang during NDP.
The next question to ask is:
6) Why did you not follow the dreams?
Parton: For me,I had a physical limitation. Hurt myself during a ball game that torn my ligament. I don't think I can clear the physical 3 months training. I tried to find other job related to it like the executive admin officer but it wasnt to my liking as it is more desk job. Not the kind I envision doing it since young.
7) Put that dream mentioned as a branch on the mindmap for further reference and continue with the Q & A. It is important to cuss out the reasons for doing and not doing things.
AS Parton did not mind us revealing everything about her, we shall continue.
8) Let's move along time to the next point in your life where you had another dream.
Parton: Yeah, 9pm show, chinese dramas, 3 faces with Zoe Tay and Lin Meijiao. Love the character of Lin Meijiao. A successful lawyer with cars and a good career, fighting for the justice for the wrongfully accused. Stay true to what is believed.
9) Why did you not become a lawyer?
Parton: My level of english proficiency is low and I dont have the gift of gab. Plus, I am not so good in my studies so I cant be a lawyer.
10) When you found the reasons for not fulfilling the dream, it is good to probe further.For instance, I ask Parton what if you can do it?
Parton: I dunno. I will be leading a fulfilling life I guess.
11) Draw another branch on the mindmap and continue.
For the benefit of this post, the rest of the Peyton's answers are as follows.
Parton's 3rd dream
To be an actress, inspired by Romeo and Juliet (Baz Luhrman). To be able to try out different roles and the emotional states. To feel the glory of different era and able to bring joy and happiness to people while striking rich. Did not do it because of parent's objections and no CPF. Not a stable job and dont think can do it well because not so talented and pretty. Did tried to act and go for audition in the school's play but as unsuccessful. She tried to become the Asst Director of the play and she found it to be rewarding. However, she was too focused on her drama production that she neglect her studies and had a fallout with her parents.Her grades were horrible until she pull up her socks, cast the dream aside and continue her college studies. If she were to be able to do it, she will probably end up like Elvin Huang.
Parton's 4th Dream
To be a singer like Stephanie Sun. Loves the language and try to compose songs before. Lyrics after lyrics written and forgotten. However, she finds it hard to break into the market. She does not have the vocals or the resources to do it as it was an expensive hobby. If she were to be successful, she probably have a channel of her own on youtube and become a successful indie singer.
Parton's 5th dream
To be a lecturer. Loves the joy of imparting knowledge to young people but hated the admin work like discipline and results. Found that the tertiary level has less of that. However, it is a long way to go as it is heavy on the $$ resources and not sure if it is possible. If successful, hope to be like Robert McChesney with his famous theory, hypercommercialism. Another pet topic of hers.
Parton's 6th dream.
To be a TCM doctor. Do not believe in surgery that can cure all as invasive procedures may not be successful for all illnesses and may remove something important to health. Plus, the medical costs are too high and people cannot afford it. However, the level of proficiency of TCM here is terribly low and still requires 6 years to complete the TCM medical school. Not a feasible option.
12) After the mindmap of professions is done, check for recurring patterns and themes that has been existing for a child, there must be something that they are aligned to. Of course, there is a lot of dirt that need to be cleared so that the underlying truths can be gleamed from words told. The person may not be aware of what one is aligned to.
Comments:
From the above account of Parton, it can be seen she is bound by fear. She fear if she choose one road, she will forsake other fulfilling and rewarding job.
She has a very distinct concern for others, can see from the concern she had for others using her talents.
However, the need for recognition and desire for $ is very strong as well. She has the fear of not enough.
On the overall, of her mindmap of professions, she seems to favour media industry. Maybe she can explore the media industry by trying out different professions eg photography, video editing, scriptwriting and directing and see which one she likes best.
Hope you find it interesting to do. Try it yourself and maybe you can find the motivation of your life.
Find people's motivation so that they can proceed on to what they want to do in life because that's what they want and love it?
The question is how to get the motivation of people?There is one such activity. I have invited Miss Dolly Parton, a very close friend of mine to participate.
1) Take out a piece of paper. As big as you can find because you need to brainstorm and mindmap at the same time.
2) Let your mind wander.
3) Think back of the oldest piece of memory that you have.
Parton: For me I thought of sand, sandcastles, evening 5pm, buckets, mum, pavilion, 8pm, sleeping on mum's thighs, force to bath, mum chasing, call my daddy, sobbing, climbing the chairs, kick the doors for fund, 7pm, strolling after dinner, birds chirping on trees, darkness, chong pang.
4) Think of the 1st job that you want as a child.5) Nevermind if it sounds childish to you at your age. But at the age of a child, there is nothing wrong with the profession. In fact, there is a goodness in the profession that the child wants to emulate. Find out the reasons why you aspire to be one.
Parton: For me, the first job I ever wanted was to be a policeman.
Why?
Parton: Because my own father is one and secondly, it is a noble job, fighting crimes, outwit the felons, help others, show my abilities to the extreme. I even dreamt of becoming the first woman to yell command at the Padang during NDP.
The next question to ask is:
6) Why did you not follow the dreams?
Parton: For me,I had a physical limitation. Hurt myself during a ball game that torn my ligament. I don't think I can clear the physical 3 months training. I tried to find other job related to it like the executive admin officer but it wasnt to my liking as it is more desk job. Not the kind I envision doing it since young.
7) Put that dream mentioned as a branch on the mindmap for further reference and continue with the Q & A. It is important to cuss out the reasons for doing and not doing things.
AS Parton did not mind us revealing everything about her, we shall continue.
8) Let's move along time to the next point in your life where you had another dream.
Parton: Yeah, 9pm show, chinese dramas, 3 faces with Zoe Tay and Lin Meijiao. Love the character of Lin Meijiao. A successful lawyer with cars and a good career, fighting for the justice for the wrongfully accused. Stay true to what is believed.
9) Why did you not become a lawyer?
Parton: My level of english proficiency is low and I dont have the gift of gab. Plus, I am not so good in my studies so I cant be a lawyer.
10) When you found the reasons for not fulfilling the dream, it is good to probe further.For instance, I ask Parton what if you can do it?
Parton: I dunno. I will be leading a fulfilling life I guess.
11) Draw another branch on the mindmap and continue.
For the benefit of this post, the rest of the Peyton's answers are as follows.
Parton's 3rd dream
To be an actress, inspired by Romeo and Juliet (Baz Luhrman). To be able to try out different roles and the emotional states. To feel the glory of different era and able to bring joy and happiness to people while striking rich. Did not do it because of parent's objections and no CPF. Not a stable job and dont think can do it well because not so talented and pretty. Did tried to act and go for audition in the school's play but as unsuccessful. She tried to become the Asst Director of the play and she found it to be rewarding. However, she was too focused on her drama production that she neglect her studies and had a fallout with her parents.Her grades were horrible until she pull up her socks, cast the dream aside and continue her college studies. If she were to be able to do it, she will probably end up like Elvin Huang.
Parton's 4th Dream
To be a singer like Stephanie Sun. Loves the language and try to compose songs before. Lyrics after lyrics written and forgotten. However, she finds it hard to break into the market. She does not have the vocals or the resources to do it as it was an expensive hobby. If she were to be successful, she probably have a channel of her own on youtube and become a successful indie singer.
Parton's 5th dream
To be a lecturer. Loves the joy of imparting knowledge to young people but hated the admin work like discipline and results. Found that the tertiary level has less of that. However, it is a long way to go as it is heavy on the $$ resources and not sure if it is possible. If successful, hope to be like Robert McChesney with his famous theory, hypercommercialism. Another pet topic of hers.
Parton's 6th dream.
To be a TCM doctor. Do not believe in surgery that can cure all as invasive procedures may not be successful for all illnesses and may remove something important to health. Plus, the medical costs are too high and people cannot afford it. However, the level of proficiency of TCM here is terribly low and still requires 6 years to complete the TCM medical school. Not a feasible option.
Comments:
From the above account of Parton, it can be seen she is bound by fear. She fear if she choose one road, she will forsake other fulfilling and rewarding job.
She has a very distinct concern for others, can see from the concern she had for others using her talents.
However, the need for recognition and desire for $ is very strong as well. She has the fear of not enough.
On the overall, of her mindmap of professions, she seems to favour media industry. Maybe she can explore the media industry by trying out different professions eg photography, video editing, scriptwriting and directing and see which one she likes best.
Hope you find it interesting to do. Try it yourself and maybe you can find the motivation of your life.
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Motivation in Job - I-WE contribution
Do you encounter an ocassion that you need help desperately but instead of people giving a helping hand, they push you deeper into the abyss?
Well, what you have witnessed is a case of lack of motivation for the job. The people who do not wish to help others are in fact disillusioned about their job.
Why is it so?
They no longer wish to outdo themselves in order to improve the organisation. They are contented to stay with what they have and progress with slow and politically correct moves. There is no need for creativity or out of the book solutions as everything is presented as FOLLOW THE BOOK.
How appalling and boring this life is? How did this person manage to stay in the organisation for so long when the person does nothing to contribute to the organisation except to restrict development?
Of course, that does not mean that the person does not follow the book. The person can help others within limits, but not pouring cold freezing water onto the other person's face.
In an organisation or in life, the ability to lend a helping hand is crucial for development. Yes, the results or consequences may not be so immediate but when you need it, there is always a possibility that others will help you.
In this way, one is more optimistic in life and lessen the toxicity of negative attitude.
You help others, others help you. Contribute to creating less toxicity in life so that others and you benefit.
Saturday, February 05, 2011
Wealth - a by-product
“Wealth, like happiness, is never attained when sought after directly. It comes as a by-product of providing a useful service.”
Henry Ford
This is spoken by a successful man who had gained so much during the Industrial Revolution. The man who revolutionized how cars are made on a large scale. He went on diversifying his business into telecommunications industry as well.
One can be aware that wealth is a by-product of success or a dream. A dream that was proven beneficial to other human mankind on a large scale. All one has to do is to find that dream and merge into a way or service that is essential to development of mankind and from then your wealth is set.
However, one cannot help but worrying is the dream is feasible and ideal service to the rest of the people. Dreams are intangible so the promise of wealth that accompany it are too intangible when the dreams are not realised. Thus, how can one pursue their dreams with ease without knowing if they are rest assured that their lives would not be in jeopardy if they persistently pursued their dream?
Maybe my comments are biased due to my background but bread and butter still have to be considered in places like here because the cost of living is really high and improportional to the income earned. There is no room for costly error, something that was encouraged by the people in power. This was cascaded down to the lowest social level, We cannot be helped but affected by it.
Please feel free to comment. Love to hear from you.
Friday, February 04, 2011
How to find success
“The best way to succeed is to discover what you love and then find a way to offer it to others in the form of service.”
Oprah Winfrey
Though Winfrey's words seems easy to understand, it is actually a summation of what she had been through all these years.
There are several obstacles hidden in this quote that one needs to surpass before attaining the same success as Oprah Winfrey.
Obstacle #01 - LOVE / PASSION
 |
| Best job is the dream job you loved |
Often, people are entrenched in here. There are simply to many things to love yet too little time to develop. Hobbies like singing, photography, fashion design, novel-writing, video production and teaching, etc, a myriad of things that one can occupy their time with. But the thing is how do one know which one is the person best at and able to continue to do it for the rest of her life?
Obstacle #02 - FEAR
Assuming one gets pass the stage of find the love of life, the next thing is does the person have the confidence to pursue the love?
What if the person love the thing yet does not have the flair to do it?
Assuming again, the person is persistent, continue to chase her dream, she will have the constant nagging fear of will she succeed? When will the person succeed? The pursuit of art is often a risky business. Who know when the person will succeed? Maybe she never will, maybe after her death e.g. Vincent Van Gogh.
Obstacle #03 - RESOURCES
 |
| Network of resources at fingertips |
Assuming the person now overcomes her fear, decides one shall pursue dreams at all costs. The next thing is does the person have sufficient resources to continue the quest of dreams?
Equipment needs $$ and so does her cost of living.
The amount need for training in achieving her passion is a big sum too.
If the person needs a white fish to survive, how much time should the person allocate to the white fish in order to earn sufficiently to support her life and passion?
Inevitably the white fish will take up most of the time.
How is the person able to carry on with her passion?
With passion,one needs exposure. There are some white fish that do not allow moonlighting. Then how is it possible to pursue dreams?
Obstacle #04 - MENTAL ATTITUDE to WHITE FISH & PASSION
 |
| Exit or Continue? |
Assuming the person found a white fish able to allow the person continue the passion. The person settles her life and found a balance between the white fish and her passion. White fish then passion, white fish then passion. After a while, the person realise actually the white fish is not bad either.
Now that the person is in the comfort zone, she may find it hard to shift out of the comfort zone even though the reason for staying in the comfort zone is no longer there.
Assuming at this stage, the person no longer need the white fish, she needs to move out of the white fish in order to fulfill the dream. The opportunity cost of sacrificing the white fish is stability, perks and $$. The person may reevaluate her options and definition of what is her dreams and what is her desires. The white fish has a potential to become the dream at this stage. How to overcome this?
Obstacle #05 - RECOGNITION
 |
| Thumbs-up is hard-earned |
Assuming after a tough mental battle, the person overcomes the desire of the monetary gains and continue the quest for passion and gave up the white fish. The next question comes, how to get recognised for the performance in the passion. There are a multitude of people with talents and there are varying levels of talents in the playing field so even though the point of entry can be easy, how to create a breakthrough in the passion is tough. She may forever be drown in the pain of not getting recognised and get comfort from drugs or other vices.
Obstacle #06 - FATIGUE / BURNOUTS
 |
| Brains are malfunctioned & health affected |
Assuming the person gets recognised, fame and success is like a cloak added to one's mantle. Huge amount of work poured in, demanding for the person's attention.
At a certain point in time, the person may be so sick of her passion that she develop fatigue and disgust of her passion. She can no longer function. Her well of creativity in her passion simply dried up. This is the worst fear of anyone who are pursuing dreams.
Once the well dried up, there is nothing she can do about it. "江郎才尽“ as they called in in Chinese.
The company may sack her and she will lose her dream job.
This is the peak and in fact the tipping point of pursuing a passion.
This is in fact, happening to a lot of artistes and celebrities like Stephanie Sun and A-mei.
What is their solution?
They all took sabbatical. A leave of absence a break from their passion. This decision again, may make or break the career. Others may make a big comback, energised and revitalised like A-mei and Britney Spears, but most never will.
Even though those who did make a comback, will take a while to reach their peak again after fighting off those up and coming newcomers who are on their way to their peak.
How to prevent this?
Obstacle #07 - SENSE OF EMPTINESS
 |
| Easily fell into depression |
Assuming the person has a secret solution to prevent fatigue and managed to ride several peaks of his passion success, wealth, talent recognition, job satisfaction and standard of living e.g. holidays to anywhere in the world, a car to save time & a house to relax and loosen up, are the by-products of her success.
Everything seems like fairytale, nice and good.
Except for a little naggy tendrils of emptiness in the heart.
What is wrong with this perfect picture?
It is like as if the person has just finished the race of her life and nothing else to conquer but emptiness prevails.
How to stopper that?
Obstacle #08 - 2 BECOME ONE
 |
| Not easy to merge in the right way |
Assuming the person has some meditation class or have a good spiritual mentor who took her out of the worldly materialistic world, she suddenly realise what she can do at her pinnacle of her life. She can help others.
However, the person only knowledge of her profession, her ideal job. how is it possible to help others? How much people can be saved?
Some possible difficult scenarios:
a) Photography - how to help others? e.g. help elders to take best photos of themselves so that they can use at their final moments? set up a charity exhibition and sell pictures with proceeds going to charitable organisations? How does all these help others in the long run? Does the other persons or others want these help? How many people can be helped?
b) Fashion design - e.g. design clothes for elders so that they can clean themselves up easily? Design their clothes for their final moments? Recruit some kids or orphans to teach them a skill to earn a living?
c) writing novels - reflect the various pockets of people having difficulty in their lives so that people can focus their energy on them? Charity proceeds from selling novels? Teach children in novel writing?
d) Video production - somewhat similar to writing novels.
e) Teaching - teach those motivated children or people to do things. Correct them and bring them back on path?
These are some of the obstacles that a person face before attaining success.
Love to hear your comments and opinions on all these.
Happy Lunar New Year !