"DO WHAT YOU CAN, WITH WHAT YOU HAVE, WHERE YOU ARE."

- Theodore Roosevelt

This quote is particularly useful to to those who are in the middle management. There are a lot of things one wants to do but cannot do. They are stuck in the middle, facing the wrath from their subordinates and bosses.

This quote is a reminder to them. One tried his best, but bosses do not know what is best for them while the staff below cannot understand why management cannot see their sufferings. Bosses also do not know there is a limit to the resources that one has access to. One can only do so much given the power and authority.

As long as conscience is clear and did all that one could do within their means, one is considered GOOD and SUFFICE.

FEAR

Someone say a quote in class and I find it fascinating and so true.

"When you feel fear, it is alright. It is a sign that you are pushing your own boundary. Find it and Face it."

The intructor say another one.

" It is a good sign that you feel fear. In fact, it is hidden gift. There is a positive intention behind the fear. Find the fear and address the underlying positive intention."

Most of us are often bound by this fear of the unknown that make many of us very insecure and feeling the tension and anxiety almost every day on every situation.

Wonder what would it be like if we keep this reframing of fear in mind?

What are the underlying fears that you have? Perhaps you can find a time and review them. May have great rewards.

LETTING GO

It can mean a lot of things like letting go of burden and stress and issues.

Here in NLP and coaching, in order to let go, one has to go through the process of re-examination and recreation. It follows the Chaos Theory as such when there is chaos, things will eventually sort out itself.

First, one has to be aware of themselves. That means one has to know their strengths, weaknesses, values, beliefs, identity or capabilities. It is alright if know little about yourself. But you must be willing to explore and be open to embrace it.This is a crucial step because if it was not done properly, then it is pointless to go through this process as the change will not last and get the desired effect.

Secondly, is to throw yourself into confusion and re-evaluate yourself in terms of values, beliefs, capabilities and attitudes. Confusion is good, unlike the normal impression that people had on the word "CONFUSION". One has to be embrace confusion so that they can morph into a totally new being. So being confused is a great place to be in. At the end of it, be clear of one's own expectations. LET GO eventually.

Thirdly, after the redefinition, it is time for recreation. Turn all the new definitions and expectation into daily routines. The changes mades can be insignificant from moment to moment but it is the accumulative effect of those tiny efforts that made the paradigm shift of self.

One of the tools to help is CHAINING ANCHORS. To go through the motion where the change is too drastic.
For instance, from DREAD to RELIEF
Lady P has a problem at work. She feel from dreadful when it comes to calling people. She tries to make herself motivated. She felt she has a need to change herself. So her chaining anchors process starts with feeling of being dreadful > identify the demon and dismiss it, summon courage to do things > believe yourself, do what you need to do > Do it with conviction > done it > relief in doing it.

There are many ways to do it. But the main takeaway is IT is GREAT to be CONFUSED. It leads you to NEW LIFE.

HOW TO MEASURE THE STAGE OF PROGRESS

In life coaching, there are 3 criteria that set the stage for evaluation of progress. One have to rate yourself according to the scale of 1 to 10. 1 being the least and 20 being the most.

NO  CHEATING or NO INNER GAMES WITH SELF.

The 3 crtieria are:
a) Clarity

b) Confidence level

c) Resources

Under each criteria, have to examine them under the question starting with - "How do you know if...."

From there do a self-evaluation and see how the level of progression that one is in.

REACTIONS OF OTHERS

For most people, why they did not do certain things is because they are afraid of the reactions from others.

What do others think of them?
Even if they try to build a wall of defence around them, any body language presented by the other party will still crumble the defence.
They will be second guessing. What does the other party think of me now if I do this?
They will be so troubled that they start to have stomach cramps and something heavy weighing them down at the gut level.
Even worse if they are also status-conscious. The other party might outrank the person, making the person have problems talking to the superiors psychologically. Alternatively, the other person may be more senior in terms of age as well.

Why do we have these issues?
1. People make have low confidence level due to certain personal history with the authority. The most common being we are taught from young to respect and be afraid of the teachers. Do not disobey them. Now same thing and at times the person ought to correct the authority so that the area of responsibilties can be covered? Geez...What kinda job is that.
2. People may be uncertain over the expectations of the job making them hesitant in their response. Furthermore, they will feel jittery when they do not know what to ask even to do work when dealing with a senior guy.

Perhaps from NLP perspective, the use of perceptual position is good idea. See the same issue from the other person's point of view. For instance when a senior guy ask u to do work, you can visualise what are his expectation by stepping into his shoes and think like him. From there, you can work backwards and see how you can deal with the demands.

What do you think?

ABILITY TO WITHSTAND KNOCKS

When one step into the unfamilar and alien terrain, the fear of the unknown is immense. Together with limited time and resources, it seems that the whole situation is intense and depressing. One will be wondering, what should I do next?
What us the strategy to deal with it?
The most important thing is to PAUSE.
Why?
When you pause, there is time for one to get ride of the negative feelings 1st which are not helpful in the current situation.
Next is to adjust the state. what is the most positive state to get into in order to solve this?
Lastly, reframe the negative thoughts into positive intentions. This may take some time as it takes a while to practise all these.

Now even after one pause, it may not help. Why?
Even if there is a strategy now, how do you know if it works?
There is no way to know unless you do the TOTE model.
Test it out.
By the very word "TEST", some people already freaked out.
What? You mean to step into the unknown just like that? What if I fail?
The notion of "WHAT IF"s is further enhanced when one's energies are focused on the WHAT IFs to visualise. Chances are, it is likely to materialise.
There is this saying "WHATEVER YOU FOCUS YOUR ATTENTION ON EXPANDS".
Instead of the negative, why not focus on the positive?
That is besides the point.
The whole idea is to test things out. All the strategy one come up with is just theoretical. One needs to touch base and check with reality.
Here again the fear of uncertainty comes as a form of intervention.
To counteract, comes the notions of taking a few knocks to cushion one from the shock and start doing what one need to do.
What do you mean by knocks?
A very good analogy comes from the Sportsworld. RUGBY.
Ask any players what is the most important thing you have learnt in order to be the best?
Learn how to fall. Why?
So that you know how to fall correctly and landed on the right side with minimal damage.
You practised until you get it the right way of falling.
The same goes for the theory. One needs to know the validity of it by testing it.
To start, one has to take a deep breathe and move out that tiny 1st step.
To others who are unconsciously doing it, it is nothing, a piece of cake.
For those who are so used to the controlled world, they will be taking in several deep breaths before they step out. To them this 1st step is a plunge. A plunge to the abyss. Live or die depends on it.
Close your eyes and take a leap of faith and into the free fall.
With free fall, you know you will be hit by the obstacles, known or unknown. Some may send you to another direction and some will allow you shortcuts to your destination. Whatever it is, it is important to take all of this in the stride. Brace for it, be mentally and physically prepared.
BE COURAGEOUS. One will find that it is rewarding to be courageous under this situation.
One will realise things are much clearer and the mist around it starts to disspate. Things becomes much easier and one will be able to handle it.

That is the ultimate outcome that one should keep in mind during the pursuit. One is stepping out to a easier situation, heading towards a solution.

Don't let fear get into you

That was the quote given to me by 3 different persons today.
It is true that everyone fears it. Fears about the future, feel bounded within safe boundaries.

But that is stopping one from getting what they want.
How to get over fear? How to moderate it without stopping me from playing the game?

What is it that one is enjoying them while being in the uncomfortable position?

"Fight the battle of life, failure shot me but success will heal the wound."

This is the quote I lifted from one of the many webpages that I have came across.
Day after day, we have to fight battles, be it big or small, nitty gritty or overwhelming issue, we have no time to take a deep breathe, freeze it and relax. We have to face it, confront it and work with it,whether we like it or not.
Things are just not moving in your favour. Everything demands your attention. Then you realise the more you do, the more mistakes you make.
What happens to that?
One must find the opportunity to sit down and clear your mind. See how you can learn from all issues. \
Before you move on.
Time is precious.
Success heals the wound temporarily. The battle scar will still be invisible, only apparent in your heart.

Subconscious vs Unconscious

A friend of mine not too long ago ask me what is Subconscious and what is Unconscious.
Is there any difference between the two?
I got curious and did a quick research.

According to Oxford Dictionary online version,
Subconscious is of or concerning the part of mind of which one is not fully aware but which influence one's behaviour and actions.

Unconscious is not awake and aware and responding to the environment.

Not fully convinced on the diffrences, I translate it to chinese.
Subconscious is 潜意识in chinese. It means that it is hidden under the consciousness. I believe it is something formed out of habits, something that is familiar which one can close the eyes and do it without any effort.
Unconscious is下意识 in chinese. It means it is below consciousness. I believe it is more like it is instinctive and situational. We go by reflex.
What do you think?

DISCOMFORT

Attending this Master Practitioner for NLP, makes me more aware of myself and my feelings.

IT actually makes me redefine a lot of things. Out of which is "DISCOMFORT".

To be frank, for things that matters to me, I love to control it.

It is a comfort zone which I feel I can do my learning, feeling safe and secure in a controlled environment.

However, since coming to this course, I was being reframed.

To quote someone, "Great learning comes when you experience great discomfort".

When you are feeling uncomfortable, you should congratulate yourself because your level of knowledge is going to increase. At first I was like, are you sure coz I cant even get used to the feeling of discomfort. I often build a fence around me so that I can learn peacefully on my own. Turn out by experiencing discomfort, I am forced by myself to be mroe aware of certain things. Things I have not noticed before. It opens up a whole new path or facet of myself which I have not known of. Absolutely amazing. I searched around the net and found this very interesting article to share with you.

Lessons in Discomfort

“In many instances, the likelihood of an individual succeeding (no matter what the goal) will be dependant on how uncomfortable that person is prepared to get and for how long.” C.A.H.

The Application of the Information

This morning I coached someone who asked me to expand on the ‘growth comes through discomfort’ theory. It’s something I’m always teaching and it’s a concept my client was having trouble getting her head around – from a practical application point of view. As the concept is relevant to most of us, I thought I would expand on it a little today.

What’s Growth?
In the context of this discussion, growth could mean a range of things: learning, improvement, adaptation, skill development, greater insight, better understanding, less fear, more confidence, greater productivity, less anxiety, more patience, fewer destructive habits and even something as practical and measurable as greater physical strength and improved health.
For an athlete, growth might mean more points per game, a higher vertical leap or a faster time. For a shop-aholic it might mean eliminating debt and changing spending habits. For the person with a social phobia, it might mean looking someone in the eye and initiating a conversation. And, for the chronic people-pleaser it could mean saying ‘no’ to somebody, taking a stand and not backing down. In simple terms, growth means creating positive change in some area of our (personal) world.

What’s Discomfort?
Discomfort, on the other hand, could be anything that (in a general sense) we’d rather avoid. It could present itself in the form of a work problem, a financial situation, a conversation we’re always deferring, a fitness challenge, a health issue, a habit we need to break, a fear we need to confront, a relationship we need to end, a dynamic we need to change or even (as many people have experienced) an unexpected illness. It could arrive in the form of an emotional, physical, psychological, sociological, financial or professional challenge. Or, a combination thereof.

Individually Uncomfortable
The interesting thing about the discomfort/growth paradigm is that it’s completely personal in terms of how and when it works and what it means to us. By that, I mean one person’s discomfort (and, therefore, opportunity to grow) will be another person’s minor event. There is no universally relevant discomfort scale because we all think, feel, experience and react differently. A scale like P.R.E. (a widely-used scale which gauges an individual’s Perceived Rate of Exertion while completing a physical task) tells us that comfort or discomfort, hard or easy is all about the individual. Which tells us that learning, adaptation, change and improvement are also about the individual.

Standing on a stage and talking is simply part of my job. For me, that task is about as stressful as driving a cab might be for a cabbie. That is, not very. For someone else, it might be an exercise in anxiety or maybe even terror. And, at the same time, a major opportunity for growth. Knowing that things only have the meaning we give them, we can safely assume that there is no single experience, process or situation that will produce consistent or equal results in terms of positive or negative change across the board.

Naturally, not all discomfort serves a positive purpose (standing in front of a moving bus for example) and, of course, we need to be wise and discerning about how, when and why we ‘get uncomfortable’. Having said that, it’s important that we find the awareness, courage and understanding that allow us to see problems, hurdles, barriers and catastrophes for what they really are: opportunities to grow and learn.
Is it time for you to address that thing you’ve been avoiding?
Don’t get mad at me – you keep putting it off. I’m just reminding you.
(Taken from http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/lessons-in-discomfort.html)


However, I always know deep in my heart, I always find the idea or feeling od discomfort, familiar yet alien coz I have not touch base with it for a long period. Why?
I haven been forcing myself to step out of comfort zone and try something new and unknown.
Now, I wonder, how to keep that feeling / familiarity with discomfort sustainable?

TOYF - Benefits Plan

Someone reflected that I should do more on the earlier post on my application of TOYF's "Benefits Plan".

I am sorry that I missed out that part, only showing the applications but not the formula.

See that's what NLP terms it as the applying critical success factors for good work done in an unconscious level.

Now this person reminded me that I must show the conceptual thinking behind it which I would have forgotten.

Let me go through a little bit of history.

TOYF's main line of argument is based on logical reasoning with facts.

BENEFITS PLAN is the last plan out of a total of 6 plans listed on TOYF.

It is represented by a ring of arrows protruding outwards.

[Image]The line of reasoning is used to persuade and convince audience by illustrating the potential benefits from the audience's perspective.
Benefits are different from the features of the products. They are the points which the audience values a lot and finds out that by using the features of the product for instance, it make them more efficient and smart.
The structure of the argument is the commonly used sandwich method in which you package your persuasive points in the following order:
2nd most impressive point --> disadvantage --> Most impressive point.

Of course logic can be a double-edged sword.

People can rebutt your line of reasoning by using the REVERSE BENEFIT plan in which using the same structure outline the disadvantages to the audience.

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Hope everyone gain a bit of knowledge on the use of such plan.

Again, this is my personal understanding and opinion of the concept.

Copyright infringement is definitely something I detest.