The word Ecology comes from Greece which studies the way in which living micro-organisms can co-exist in the surrounding.
However, this post is not about being ecological scientifically. It is more about how we as a human co-exists with our fellow human beings.
We all know that we must make decisions that create a win-win situations. However, this is not easy as the environment that we all live in is very dynamic. We make decisions based on our surrounding including the people around us.
Often, when we make our decisions, we too are uncertain about the decisions that we have made. We are not completely sure what are the implications that comes with the intended effects / consequences. After the decision that was made and the event or the whole incident took place, the effects on the whole will have an impact on the decision maker.
It is like practising the strokes of tennis against the wall. When you hit the ball, you have intended for the ball to bounce back in a certain direction. However, if the ball hit a small protrusion on the wall, it will deflect to another unintended direction, causing the player to react quickly in order to catch the ball.
The uncertainty in the decision reached, the adjustments to the mindset and actions will impact on the decision maker and reflected in their behavior unconsciously. Though they are unaware, their actions have indicated to the person nearby. And the other party with their own set of filters and knowledge,will interpret the behavious differently, causing unecological responses e.g. having bad impression of the other person, to the unconscious actions.
In order to be ecological, besides the intentions set on being ecological, one has to sit down with the involved stakeholders and brief them what is going on. Of course, it is not easy to explain since it is so unconscious.
But it would be a whole lot better if one voice the worries and the other have a more open mind on the other person's actions. Then again, it is not so easy, depending on how well they know each other.
We all tried to be ecological. If we are misinterpreted, we tried to explain. However, it is very tough if all stakeholders are reading too much into the behavior of one another just because so many things are at stake. It is tougher to maintain any relationship having to do constant explanations. Afterall, where is the life when there is so much explanation to do?
Life is full of peaks and valleys
One second - floating in the sky
The next second - hit rock bottom
Happiness - What does it mean?
Monday, March 21, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
失败乃成功之母
I finally know what it means by the chinese saying.
In the past, I often wondered what it means by failure is the mother of all success. Once people fail, they will never succeed, isnt it? Don't fail will guarantee success.
Then I revised my opinion on this recently. For everything to start, one has to fail. The failure is because of things unexpected, not things that is not anticipated. It is taking calculated risks.
Why?
If one do not fail, one does not know exactly what one wants in specific.
Once they fail, they have a clear picture as to how they want things to be done so they get a sense of their liking in this way. They have established clearly what they truly wanted and that is the most important thing because most of the time, people do not know what they truly want.
Of course, once one learns from the failure, the next thing is do not trip over the same thing again.
In this way, don't fail again will guarantee success.
If one fails again, then the learnings gleamed before must have missing pieces which is why people trip over the same thing again. That person will have to treat the issue with caution and examine the issue with a fine toothed comb again to check for loopholes so that the learnings are completed.
As you can see, this is a cycle.
With this cycle, one has to be prepared mentally.
What does it mean?
One has to learn to let go of oneself and treat themselves kindly.
Nevermind that it is a big boo boo in front of others.
Nevermind that your learning curve is slower than the others.
The most important thing is one learn the required lessons. The danger of losing face in front of others because one is slow is not so important in the long run to one's growth. Yes, the controversy over the fact that one is slower will go on but temporarily. Controversy will be replaced by another controversy.
You can choose to make the controversy go away.
The controversy will die down once one learnt the lesson and do it better than before.
It is a big step for oneself especially those who cannot tolerate failure. We are so attuned and wired through the years of schooling that we CANNOT fail and MUST'NT fail. The consequences would be DISASTEROUS.
Yes, the consequences would be one need to detour longer to get to the same destination.
But does that diminish the importance of the destination?
NO.
It just take the person longer time to reach, that's all.
BUT, does the person learn other things when they detour?
Yeah, they learn a lot more by the different route they have taken from the rest of the people. See more variety of flowers along the way.
The next important thing to tell oneself besides allowing / consenting oneself to make mistakes, is self-forgiving.
This is a very very crucial concept and an important agreement with oneself, even more important than to allow oneself to make mistakes. Without this, the consenting part on making mistakes would not even come alive.
This is in fact, the hardest part. In an educational system where we are innoculated to feel guilty over failures, feel small because we never meet the "normal" standards, feel inferior that we are much lower than a bunch of people who perform well in exams and therefore, considered smarter, etc, often we find ourselves enlarging our failures to 100times so much so that it become the focus of the day and even a lifetime. There is nothing more important and ominious than the failure. There is practically no virtue left in the person judging from the failure done.
But think of it this way, the universe still moves on. The sun would not not set because of your failure. In the whole wide world, the mistake made is so insignificant. Yes, it is significant in one's life at the moment because one allows it to be the HIGHLIGHT of the day. But it will pass and will be replaced by another person's mistakes or success.
Let's not browbeat oneself to conform to the standards of everyone.
Take a deep breathe and hold for 5 sec.
Clear your mind of everything. The shame, the bruising ego, the bleak outlook of life due to the mistake, the accusing looks given by family and friends,etc...It seems that the whole load of the world is on your shoulders.
Let it GO.
If it is not possible, go for a walk, run if you must, cry if you want, kick something in anger, dump something around, VENT it OUT.
Let the MIND go BLANK.
After that, visualise the scenario again from the next party on the scene.
Take a detached view.
If there some learnings gain?Block the pain if you have to.
If there are learnings, is it positive?
Brainstorm a little.
What if there are negative learnings?
Then think again, what is the positive intention or feedback to the person?
Write it down and store them. You will need it later in your life.
You can review the letter again to see if you have learnt your letter after the encounter.
It works for me. I am learning to forgive myself more easily. It should be easier every time I forgive myself.
I want a healthier and more positive and more adventurous me.
So what if I make mistakes?
I have to reprogramme myself to say MISTAKES = LEARNINGS. It is not as if I never plan. I just did not see the unexpected.
I am definitely DOING BETTER the next time.
In the past, I often wondered what it means by failure is the mother of all success. Once people fail, they will never succeed, isnt it? Don't fail will guarantee success.
Then I revised my opinion on this recently. For everything to start, one has to fail. The failure is because of things unexpected, not things that is not anticipated. It is taking calculated risks.
Why?
If one do not fail, one does not know exactly what one wants in specific.
Once they fail, they have a clear picture as to how they want things to be done so they get a sense of their liking in this way. They have established clearly what they truly wanted and that is the most important thing because most of the time, people do not know what they truly want.
Of course, once one learns from the failure, the next thing is do not trip over the same thing again.
In this way, don't fail again will guarantee success.
If one fails again, then the learnings gleamed before must have missing pieces which is why people trip over the same thing again. That person will have to treat the issue with caution and examine the issue with a fine toothed comb again to check for loopholes so that the learnings are completed.
As you can see, this is a cycle.
With this cycle, one has to be prepared mentally.
What does it mean?
One has to learn to let go of oneself and treat themselves kindly.
Nevermind that it is a big boo boo in front of others.
Nevermind that your learning curve is slower than the others.
The most important thing is one learn the required lessons. The danger of losing face in front of others because one is slow is not so important in the long run to one's growth. Yes, the controversy over the fact that one is slower will go on but temporarily. Controversy will be replaced by another controversy.
You can choose to make the controversy go away.
The controversy will die down once one learnt the lesson and do it better than before.
It is a big step for oneself especially those who cannot tolerate failure. We are so attuned and wired through the years of schooling that we CANNOT fail and MUST'NT fail. The consequences would be DISASTEROUS.
Yes, the consequences would be one need to detour longer to get to the same destination.
But does that diminish the importance of the destination?
NO.
It just take the person longer time to reach, that's all.
BUT, does the person learn other things when they detour?
Yeah, they learn a lot more by the different route they have taken from the rest of the people. See more variety of flowers along the way.
The next important thing to tell oneself besides allowing / consenting oneself to make mistakes, is self-forgiving.
This is a very very crucial concept and an important agreement with oneself, even more important than to allow oneself to make mistakes. Without this, the consenting part on making mistakes would not even come alive.
This is in fact, the hardest part. In an educational system where we are innoculated to feel guilty over failures, feel small because we never meet the "normal" standards, feel inferior that we are much lower than a bunch of people who perform well in exams and therefore, considered smarter, etc, often we find ourselves enlarging our failures to 100times so much so that it become the focus of the day and even a lifetime. There is nothing more important and ominious than the failure. There is practically no virtue left in the person judging from the failure done.
But think of it this way, the universe still moves on. The sun would not not set because of your failure. In the whole wide world, the mistake made is so insignificant. Yes, it is significant in one's life at the moment because one allows it to be the HIGHLIGHT of the day. But it will pass and will be replaced by another person's mistakes or success.
Let's not browbeat oneself to conform to the standards of everyone.
Take a deep breathe and hold for 5 sec.
Clear your mind of everything. The shame, the bruising ego, the bleak outlook of life due to the mistake, the accusing looks given by family and friends,etc...It seems that the whole load of the world is on your shoulders.
Let it GO.
If it is not possible, go for a walk, run if you must, cry if you want, kick something in anger, dump something around, VENT it OUT.
Let the MIND go BLANK.
After that, visualise the scenario again from the next party on the scene.
Take a detached view.
If there some learnings gain?Block the pain if you have to.
If there are learnings, is it positive?
Brainstorm a little.
What if there are negative learnings?
Then think again, what is the positive intention or feedback to the person?
Write it down and store them. You will need it later in your life.
You can review the letter again to see if you have learnt your letter after the encounter.
It works for me. I am learning to forgive myself more easily. It should be easier every time I forgive myself.
I want a healthier and more positive and more adventurous me.
So what if I make mistakes?
I have to reprogramme myself to say MISTAKES = LEARNINGS. It is not as if I never plan. I just did not see the unexpected.
I am definitely DOING BETTER the next time.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Things that a boss does - Sit up, listen and understand
#03 - Listen and understand
A boss must possess a strong listening ability to hear out what employees has to say before passing judgment or making decisions.
One must give the employee some airtime so that they can reflect and inform you on the feedback and anything that could potentially undermine the operations.
Staff are actually the extended arms of the boss. They will do things that the boss can do but have no time to take care of it.
One will soon realise the power of the ability to listen. Once you hear someone, the following are some of the benefits:
a) Suss out serious potential threats because staff are eyes and ears on the ground.
b) work more efficiently as you know how things are operated and can count them in during the planning stage. E.g. the delivery time process, the timing for requesting funds and the actual date of fund delivery. Minor details can help to smooth a lot of unneccessary bumps in the plan
c) a sense of the staff performance - whether the person is a whiner, complainer or even a serious worker by judging on the things they told you.
d) know the staff well - as the interaction increases, the staff knows what you want as well as you know whether to trust that staff or not.
e) Staff loyalty - everyone wants recognition and a sense of contribution. By giving a little time for the employees to air their views, they are very much appreciative of the willingness of their boss to hear them out.
If it is not done well or not done, the threats are enormous.
1) The boss do not know what is going out. If anything goes awry, the first head to roll is the boss.
2) The high turnover rate. The boss does not even care what is being done so why bother to stay behind and be invisible?
3) Difficulty in reporting to top mgt - do not know what is going on so there is difficulty in planning. The top mgt will not tolerate that.
Of course, you may ask how to listen well.
Let's look at the famous analogy of how to listen well, by referring to the ancient chinese word for Listen.
Did you know that it takes 5 characters to represent “listen” in Chinese? Eyes, ears, heart, you and focused undivided attention.
The Chinese philosopher Chuang-Tzu said, "The hearing that is only in the ears is one thing. The hearing of the understanding is another. But the hearing of the spirit is not limited to any one faculty, to the ear or to the mind. Hence, it demands the emptiness of all the faculties. And when the faculties are empty, then the whole being listens.
"There is then a direct grasp of what is right there before you that can never be heard with the ear or understood with the mind."
Besides listening, your body language must be correct.
Match your speaker's body posture.
Maintain some eye contact.
The tone of voice is humble and kind.
Learn also to read their facial expressions so that one is able to anticipate the things that will be told and will be prepared for it.
All these can be used with family members and children. You might realise that what you are doing can be practised and will benefit children by imparting them this lifeskills from yount.
A boss must possess a strong listening ability to hear out what employees has to say before passing judgment or making decisions.
One must give the employee some airtime so that they can reflect and inform you on the feedback and anything that could potentially undermine the operations.
Staff are actually the extended arms of the boss. They will do things that the boss can do but have no time to take care of it.
One will soon realise the power of the ability to listen. Once you hear someone, the following are some of the benefits:
a) Suss out serious potential threats because staff are eyes and ears on the ground.
b) work more efficiently as you know how things are operated and can count them in during the planning stage. E.g. the delivery time process, the timing for requesting funds and the actual date of fund delivery. Minor details can help to smooth a lot of unneccessary bumps in the plan
c) a sense of the staff performance - whether the person is a whiner, complainer or even a serious worker by judging on the things they told you.
d) know the staff well - as the interaction increases, the staff knows what you want as well as you know whether to trust that staff or not.
e) Staff loyalty - everyone wants recognition and a sense of contribution. By giving a little time for the employees to air their views, they are very much appreciative of the willingness of their boss to hear them out.
If it is not done well or not done, the threats are enormous.
1) The boss do not know what is going out. If anything goes awry, the first head to roll is the boss.
2) The high turnover rate. The boss does not even care what is being done so why bother to stay behind and be invisible?
3) Difficulty in reporting to top mgt - do not know what is going on so there is difficulty in planning. The top mgt will not tolerate that.
Of course, you may ask how to listen well.
Let's look at the famous analogy of how to listen well, by referring to the ancient chinese word for Listen.
Did you know that it takes 5 characters to represent “listen” in Chinese? Eyes, ears, heart, you and focused undivided attention.
The Chinese philosopher Chuang-Tzu said, "The hearing that is only in the ears is one thing. The hearing of the understanding is another. But the hearing of the spirit is not limited to any one faculty, to the ear or to the mind. Hence, it demands the emptiness of all the faculties. And when the faculties are empty, then the whole being listens.
"There is then a direct grasp of what is right there before you that can never be heard with the ear or understood with the mind."
Besides listening, your body language must be correct.
Match your speaker's body posture.
Maintain some eye contact.
The tone of voice is humble and kind.
Learn also to read their facial expressions so that one is able to anticipate the things that will be told and will be prepared for it.
All these can be used with family members and children. You might realise that what you are doing can be practised and will benefit children by imparting them this lifeskills from yount.
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Things that a good boss does - Be impartial
This is the 101 rule of any leadership. Do not side any staff due to whatever reasons.
Often, bosses side staff due to very silly reasons like
a) The boss of the boss likes a certain staff
b) cronism
c) The boss wants to be a nice guy
d) The boss wants to get things done which only this staff can do well
e) The boss is trying to impress the staff to obtain favours
And the list goes on.
In any organisation where the above are prevalent, competent people will leave, leaving only the empty vessels singing praises of the boss.
How can anyone survive all these?
It means that the work done by the other staff are not important or meaningless because it cannot be seen. It is not the utmost reason why the boss score points with his boss so it is irrelevant.
Every job role has its benefits and disadvantages. And this is what make an organisation works. Yes, adm and finance can be quite draining on the boss. But without all these supporting roles, how do you even get the important work done?
One would probably still searching for stapler or paper to print the report.
There must be a balance between the two of them. Give both ample and equal listening time and will find that work gets done more efficiently and delivers on time.
Of course, there are staff whom are overdemanding, psychotic and petty. That will be the sensitive issue to handle with care. Any wrong turn will result in being call partial to someone else for the wrong reason.
Be impartial. Take a stand and live by it. People around you will appreciate.
Sunday, March 06, 2011
Things that a good boss does - Meant what he says
An article on the Yahoo! mention that as an employee, it is important to keep an account of what your boss does, the actions taken, in order not to repeat the same mistakes that he made.
I find this rather useful, have been intending to note this down but all these comes in bits and pieces.
I shall blog it down and please give me your feedback on this.
#01 - Meant what he says
A good boss actually kept his promises.
He would have spoken to his staff after careful considerations on what needs to be done before giving instructions.
He would already had the information and data from his boss either during a discussion or a meeting.
In the case, he cant keep his promise, he must have a valid reason to explain, way in advance.
Yes, he needs to give an explanation and not simply brushing off and just tell the staff of his decision at the last minute and leave them floating helplessly in the open seas.
Of course, he cant help it but break the news that the promise cannot be kept at the last minute, he should listen out to his staff's requirements before issuing out new instructions so that it is timely and relevant.
I find this rather useful, have been intending to note this down but all these comes in bits and pieces.
I shall blog it down and please give me your feedback on this.
#01 - Meant what he says
A good boss actually kept his promises.
He would have spoken to his staff after careful considerations on what needs to be done before giving instructions.
He would already had the information and data from his boss either during a discussion or a meeting.
In the case, he cant keep his promise, he must have a valid reason to explain, way in advance.
Yes, he needs to give an explanation and not simply brushing off and just tell the staff of his decision at the last minute and leave them floating helplessly in the open seas.
Of course, he cant help it but break the news that the promise cannot be kept at the last minute, he should listen out to his staff's requirements before issuing out new instructions so that it is timely and relevant.
Friday, March 04, 2011
生活在天井里，总有患得患失、钻牛角尖的感觉。一切象是一团纠结在一起的毛线球，越滚越大，最终困死窒息在里头。看不到未来，也看不到现在，埋首于过去，出不去，也进不了。日出夜落，黑夜白昼，无休止符的缠绕着。了无生气，一片黑暗。错误会不断地放大，再放大。无法挣脱，垂头丧气。
偶然跳出天井，才发现，其实外面的世界一点也不纠结，反而是自有一股属于自己的流畅感。跳出缠绕的是非，就会有一种豁然开朗的感觉。就算跌倒了，也会觉得是跌在碧草如茵的草地上。世界是那么的包容，再狼狈也只是暂时性，很快被遗忘。
原来自身的感受遭遇取决于自身的心态。开阔的胸怀，乐观积极的态度，使生活更自在，呼吸也顺畅。反观之，如果作茧自缚，只会苦了自己来取悦别人。无关自身的是非，就掩耳盗铃，假装不知情，但是暗暗戒备，别火烧自己的眉毛，其他一概装作不知，是自私些，但是心比较没有那么难受。其实是自己学不会游泳，学不会在世界的这大海游泳，自己只是困在浅滩的蛟龙。只要学会顺流而下，心自然就宽。有目标，大概就不会惶然无措，患得患失了。
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
Frustrations inmobility
Quite frankly speaking, I feel rather frustrated these days. I wanted to execute what I want to do, you know, take a leap of faith.
But I realise I cant.
Because I have missed an important deadline that cost me to postpone my plans till next year.
Now it is a case like a got chewing gum stuck to my pants.
I do not want to get out of the current job as the pay is still higher than any start of the other jobs.
But at the same time, I feel frustrated as I cant get things going.
Super annoying.
Why is it that when I want to do things, I always get waylaid?
I rather start quickly and go. I fear the loss of passion and motivation to do it though I always wanted to do it.
It is a different story if I start off with passion and lose the passion in the middle. Then it is a matter of refueling.
Hmm..what should I do?
But I realise I cant.
Because I have missed an important deadline that cost me to postpone my plans till next year.
Now it is a case like a got chewing gum stuck to my pants.
I do not want to get out of the current job as the pay is still higher than any start of the other jobs.
But at the same time, I feel frustrated as I cant get things going.
Super annoying.
Why is it that when I want to do things, I always get waylaid?
I rather start quickly and go. I fear the loss of passion and motivation to do it though I always wanted to do it.
It is a different story if I start off with passion and lose the passion in the middle. Then it is a matter of refueling.
Hmm..what should I do?
Clumsy of me again, I had a fall in the office that resulted in a slightly sprained ankle.
Anyway, with my sprained ankle, I hobbled around in the office.
I managed to discover quite a few things about myself and others in terms of work organisation and flow
First, my work was uninterrupted by my boss. I was no longer at the beck and call of my boss and he just sends me the email to get things done which I find it more effective and efficient. The running up and down just wears me down and take away the precious time that I had.
Second, I need to leverage on others to do work. I must get others to help me with the menial stuff like attend to customers, contractors, sign invoices, show customers around and to ferry them. The keyword or the frame of mind is What is it that others can do and i cant do if i am not physically mobile?
In other words, what are the things that others can do on my behalf?
Third, the organisation of things.
Given the mental framework is how to i carry out things when i am not physically mobile?
I must merge and organise things such that i get max number of things done while moving around less.
I find that I am quite efficient if I hold that thought in mind.
Fascinating how a sprained ankle can lead me to so much things.
Now the question is how to fend off my boss's numerous requests so that I can control my time. I do not ask for sudden cut off of requests but to minimise the number of requests.
Any suggestions?
Anyway, with my sprained ankle, I hobbled around in the office.
I managed to discover quite a few things about myself and others in terms of work organisation and flow
First, my work was uninterrupted by my boss. I was no longer at the beck and call of my boss and he just sends me the email to get things done which I find it more effective and efficient. The running up and down just wears me down and take away the precious time that I had.
Second, I need to leverage on others to do work. I must get others to help me with the menial stuff like attend to customers, contractors, sign invoices, show customers around and to ferry them. The keyword or the frame of mind is What is it that others can do and i cant do if i am not physically mobile?
In other words, what are the things that others can do on my behalf?
Third, the organisation of things.
Given the mental framework is how to i carry out things when i am not physically mobile?
I must merge and organise things such that i get max number of things done while moving around less.
I find that I am quite efficient if I hold that thought in mind.
Fascinating how a sprained ankle can lead me to so much things.
Now the question is how to fend off my boss's numerous requests so that I can control my time. I do not ask for sudden cut off of requests but to minimise the number of requests.
Any suggestions?
Toxic Friends
Different kinds of friends exist. At certain point in time, we gravitate towards a certain group of people. However, as we grow, we tend to change to another group of friends. Basically, they are divided into 2 main groups Toxic and Tonic.
For this part, let's talk about toxic friends.
What are toxic friends?
One question to ask yourself after you spend time with a friend who may be toxic is, "How do I feel after I am done hanging out with my friend?" If your answer is exhausted, relieved, frustrated, and depressed then you may have a toxic friend. Life is too short to surround yourself with people that don't add to your life in a positive way.
Life is already stressful enough, so why keep toxic friends who add even more stress to your life. Toxic friends are those people in your life who always have drama in their lives and either get you involved or constantly need to talk about their lives and not yours. This is a very one-sided relationship.
What types of toxic friends are there?
10 types and they are:
How to get rid of them?
One is to say NO to them. If they ask why and want an explanation, just remember this-you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. No means no. I just can't means; I just can't. They will eventually get the point.
Stop worrying what your toxic friend might think about you. If they don't respect you, they are not worth worrying about
.Drift away and ignore them. This is the most painless way of doing things.
After doing several times, you will find doing it much easier.
Read more: How to Remove Toxic Friends from Your Life | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_4862587_remove-toxic-friends-life.html#ixzz1EOat0twq
For this part, let's talk about toxic friends.
What are toxic friends?
One question to ask yourself after you spend time with a friend who may be toxic is, "How do I feel after I am done hanging out with my friend?" If your answer is exhausted, relieved, frustrated, and depressed then you may have a toxic friend. Life is too short to surround yourself with people that don't add to your life in a positive way.
Life is already stressful enough, so why keep toxic friends who add even more stress to your life. Toxic friends are those people in your life who always have drama in their lives and either get you involved or constantly need to talk about their lives and not yours. This is a very one-sided relationship.
What types of toxic friends are there?
10 types and they are:
1. The Phony: Always pretending to be something she's not
2. The User: Uses you for her own purposes or goals
3. The Betrayer: Double-crosses you and stabs you in the back
4. The Cheater: Steals or messes around with your romantic partner
5. The Exposer: Discloses your confidences, tells your personal business
6. The Abuser: Abuses you verbally, physcially, sexually, emotionally
7. The Self-Centered: Concerned with her own wants and needs not yours
8. The Criticizer: Extremely critical and finds fault in everything you do
9. The Regulator: Needs to control you and the friendship
10. The One Upper: Always trying to be one up on you
How to get rid of them?
One is to say NO to them. If they ask why and want an explanation, just remember this-you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. No means no. I just can't means; I just can't. They will eventually get the point.
Stop worrying what your toxic friend might think about you. If they don't respect you, they are not worth worrying about
.Drift away and ignore them. This is the most painless way of doing things.
Read more: How to Remove Toxic Friends from Your Life | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_4862587_remove-toxic-friends-life.html#ixzz1EOat0twq