Tip @ work #02 - Time management

It is important for anyone working to plan their working time carefully.
It will not only affect your own schedule but also the schedules of others.
If you are not careful, others may suffer the consequences of your carelessness.
People maybe forced to make risky and careless decisions in order to make their time and efforts more efficient.
Unless you are strategising to oust your rivals which I am sure is not your intention.
Eventually, the relationship between you and the other party will deterioate.
In the world where networking plays an important role, it is terrible to imagine what life would be like should one be ostracised.
Not only does information flow gets obstructed, one will be feel terribly and in the end affect the work.

From my experiences, here are some useful guidelines to help manage your time fruitfully:

a) When you need to enlist other's help, please inform them 3 months in advance.
If not, the minimum period is 1 month.
Please do not inform them 1 week in advance. Not only will they not inform you in time, they may not have enough turnaround time to help you and they will just filter off your request.
They may feel offended at being told the last minute because you seem insincere to invite them given the short notice period.
Finally, your plans will get affected because nobody wish to help you and your things will not get done.

b) Please do careful and detailed planning right from the start:
Though they may seem insignificant, logistical issues can kill any projects given that the resources are incomplete to finish off the project.
Every step and every processes have to be thought out carefully factoring issues like people's mindset, resources required, pre-requistic conditions and time required.
It will take time to figure things out so one must cater more time to unravel them.

Good Luck!

Tips @ work #01 - Never offend people

A quick question - What kind of people would not get their face slapped by others?

Answer?

Those who often radiate warmth and have a ready smile for everyone and every situation.

Long time ago in China, people already observed this and came up with a idiom, "伸手不打笑脸人。” In literal translation, it means one would not slapped someone with a ready smile on the face.
Why?
Why would they not do that?
The kind of energy that radiate from a smiling person is so positive that it is very difficult for anyone to smash that accumulation of positive energy. (Of course, we are not talking about fake people with fake smile. Those who smiled like that will be detected straightaway.And what do people do with them? Ignore them.)

This does not apply just to the physical smile. It also applies to the communications at work in daily lives. If you are courteous and friendly, you will find that good things will multiply. It might sound very tiring and troublesome with a lot of protocol, but ultimately it benefits you.

Why?

It is the positive energy.

It keeps you healthy and as you accumulate more positive energy for yourself, it influences others as positive energy is transferable.

You may ask how does the positive energy link up with the title?

Well, if you keep up with those positive energy, you will abide by it and try to find ways to sustain it and as a result, one will not offend people.

The consequences of offending people can be quite significant although the impact may not be seen until months or years later.

Think about other dept's head, PA to your boss, your colleagues.
If you offended them or disregard some basic manners, they will definitely pose as obstacles to the goals in your life.
I have seen how a man who has creative ideas to change certain customs when he organises a company function. There is innovation but he failed to pay homage to the sponsors who has helped out in the last function. In my opinion, the basic courtesy is to call and thank the person for the help rendered in the past and outline your plans to him so that he would not feel left out or feel that one is disrespectful towards him.
What happens to the man is the sponsor got angry and tried in some ways create obstacles for him.

Think of the tradeoffs, basic courtesy and humbleness with a smile, you will get a cordial friend at least. Or aloof and strong-headed, you will get another rival.

Which one is more worth your effort?

False start vs head starts

Life is full of false starts, believe or not, it does not just happens in the athletic world.

A lot of people feel that having too many false starts is not good for personal development. It will lower the person's morale.

I beg to differ.

Having false starts indicates that the preparation work is insufficient so therefore to prevent further losses or damages, the process which has commenced, is terminated.

Let me share with you an example.

Mr H has recently decided to apply for graduate programme at a local university.

He took a look at the deadline and he thought,"Wow! 15 Aug! Better hurry!"

He was very conscientious. He went to the library to research on his thesis topic almost every week.

Finally nearly 2 weeks before the deadline, he found the thesis topic of his choice.

Then he merrily carry on asking his ex-lecturer for recommendation letters and so on.

But,

little did he know that it is the little things like admin procedures that caused him to not complete his application in time. 

He was crestfallen and depressed for several days.

It seems like he was unable to plan even a small thing like this.

It also makes him doubt if he is able to go back to school, whether he still have the energy and the drive to do it.

However, a good friend saved his day.

The good friend asked, "What are the benefits of NOT achieving this?"

For a moment, there was silence. Mr H was simply stunned.

"How can it be possible to have benefits for not achieving the very thing that I desired? How could he suggest that to me? We have been friends for so long yet he said this to me. I am so hurt."

He could not answer the friend and left in a hurry. 

He did not contact his friend for 2 days because he was still in the hurting stage and he wondered if there is any truth in his friend's words.

By the third day, a sudden "AHA" moment came to his mind and he quickly took a pen to wrote it down.

The title is " Benefits for not submitting my graduate studies application."

1) Mental preparation insufficient. The transition period from working adult to student needs to be adjusted.

2) The thesis topic needs to be more specific. Even if I submitted my application this time round, I may not be able to get in.

3) I should have a recap on the major topics again so that I can make more contributions in class.

4) A realisation that since I am working, in order for things to happen as planned, I need more time for preparation and get things done.No more last minute work.

5) Keep a lookout on the financial aid. Who knows someone or company might sponsor me.

After writing this down, Mr H felt fully satisfied. Even though his first application was a false start, he found many things with that experience. Many obstacles suddenly appear and he knows how to avoid them. He also realised that even if this is a false start, it did not diminish his motivation and desire to get his graduate degree. In fact, he was even more motivated to do it.

As you can see, false starts may indeed be a good thing. It gives you time to rehearse your movements and actions, give you time to spot obstacles and learn from there. 

The important guideline to everyone is "In every experience, regardless good or bad, lies the opportunity to learn and re-learn until one gets the message behind the experience."

If it is a bad experience, one have to try to turn it into a positive experience. It will be difficult to do it and at times seems impossible, but as you mull over it, like Mr H, you will eventually get there. 

It does not matter if you are fast or slow, as long as you get the message.

Learn to accept mistakes and failures, even though they are hard to swallow and one might choke. 

After all, it is just embarrassment for a fews moments of your lifetime to learn something that will last one forever. Think of it, isnt it a good investment?

Burden of mistakes

I am a perfectionist.
That is one of my strong point as well as being my weakest point.
I want things to be done to the BEST. When I mean best, it means to the best of my ability and beyond.
I get depressed when I could not reach the pinnacle.
Life, I feel, is pretty worthless at that point in time. I could not reach the top as I have expected.

Others might say, it is good to have high expectation of yourself.
But there is a weight I carry on my shoulders everyday.
I want to do the best in everything. EVERYTHING.
I get drastic mood swings from moments to moments in my daily routine.
I binged on food when I am stressed.
As a result, bad complexion and overweight issues came in.
Frankly speaking, I cant even recognised myself anymore.
Ever since I can remember, I will do self-beration for every single mistake I made during the day. And of course, as I berated myself, the events for the rest of the day get worse and worse. 
If I do something wrong this time, I will avoid doing those things.
I started to filter off those things.
For example, I feel very shy when I am in front of strangers. I feel very awkward where I placed my hands, the way I walk, the way I eat and the way I talk.
There is absolutely no grace in my body movements compared to others.
I also feel very awkward when I talk to others. When mum found out, she tried to rectify this. She would instruct me to run errands. I got sweaty palms thinking about the upcoming interactions with others. I would rehearse in my mind what I want to say, how to order and how to make my requirements clear to others.
But I still made a boo-boo out of myself. The language I used wasnt quite the same as the hawkers. From their body language, they seem to be rediculing me for not speaking properly.
I was devastated.
It was a horrifying experience.
From then, I dreaded the call from mum to run errands for her.
I fear interactions with others.
Of course, that becomes my obstacles in life from then onwards.


I hated myself for making mistakes. It just makes me look, feel stupid in front of others. I might portray a heck-care attitude in front and bull-doze my way through but I still berate and condemn myself mentally.
I am not stupid but why do I act stupid? Am I really that stupid?

As the days passed, I soon realise to my horror, the burden of keep reminding myself about my mistakes is too heavy for me to carry. I was crushed under the weight of it.
I missed out opportunities. I missed out a lot of fun along the way just to be in the comfortable position I feel safe in.
I tried to move myself out of inertia.
Very painful.
I feel very agitated.
I cant tell my parents about it.
I dont want them to worry.
I struggled to keep myself think positively but I dunno how. Posters and motivation quotes dont work for me.

Any ideas on how to do it and sustain it? I keep regressing. So worried that I will fall into abyss.

Self-identity - Feel at ease with yourself

As we grow up, I do not know if anyone of you realise this, when we explore the things around us, we would often explore ourselves in the process as well even at the young age of 5.
When we look around, suddenly we realise - hey, we are different from most of our peers and people around us. They do not seem to do this. So is what we are doing RIGHT or WRONG? By default, we will try to do the things that are RIGHT. And by meaning right, it means conform to what everyone is doing due to 1 theory - if what everyone is doing it, it means they are right, otherwise, they will not do it.
But being RIGHT does not means being yourself. Being right applies to major issues like drugs, trafficking, smoking, theft, murder.
Being yourself is different. What is the most important thing that you value yourself as a person. It does not matter if you are being different. It means being yourself, being confident and at ease with yourself. Do not look at others for conformity. Do not look at others for opinions when it is your turn to make the decision. It must be the decision that you are most comfortable and most congruent to your innermost self.
Accept that you are being who you are. Accept how you look in the mirror. Accept how your mind tells you this is how you should dress. Accept how you think about yourself.
It is you who needs to navigate through the different situations and scenarios, not others, not experts and not your parents. They might be there to provide guidance but you must make the decision - follow, reject or merge ideas?
I feel much better when I saw Johnny Depp's interview on himself.

‘Love, art or music can be the cure – never give up

JOHNNY DEPP is at the top of his game these days - but life hasn't always been so easy.

New film Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides hits UK cinemas on May 18 and will no doubt boost his reputation as one of the world's top box office draws.

Here the 47-year-old, who lives in France with partner Vanessa Paradis, 38, and children Lily-Rose, 11, and Jack, nine, talks to GARTH PEARCE about what he wishes he'd known at the age of 18.

"When I was growing up I felt like a complete freak. I wish I had known that there were a lot of people out there like me, feeling the same way.

"I even felt weird at five. At the age of 12, I felt it was me against the world.

"I locked myself in my bedroom and played my guitar. It seemed as if I was in there for two or three years!

"It took years for me to feel comfortable with myself. I do not have to pretend any more about who I am and do not have to portray any image which is not myself.

"I wish I could have come to terms with who I was much earlier in my life, but I am sure a lot of people would say the same thing. I was able to play characters who were considered freaks to outsiders. But, to me, they were always real people. They felt love, anger and loneliness.

"I identified with these parts and was attracted by the emotions. I played Edward Scissorhands and Gilbert Grape in my twenties. What's Eating Gilbert Grape was a difficult time for me.

"The content of the film was emotional and I would not want to see it again. I might dive back in to that feeling. I was feeling very dark making it, with a lot of stuff going on in my head.

Rising star ... Johnny Depp 25 years ago

Rex

"The character (caring for a brother with development disability and having an obese mother who refuses to leave the house) hit me a little too hard.

"It was a rough time in my life and I was, for a while, humour impaired. I don't know whether it was a subconscious thing - because my character was such a bland, repressed guy - or whether it was just that time in my life.

"I get into my characters pretty deeply, but there is a limit. There are some actors who ask that you call them by their character name during filming.

"I would love to see them go to the snack bar in between scenes and pick up a Milky Way as King Tut or watch Cleopatra eating pretzel sticks.

"I just don't buy into that kind of stuff. Nobody becomes a character and stays that way. I could never rate myself that much as an actor. When I have to watch myself in a movie I get real nervous and kind of ill. I always watch and think of the things ISHOULD have done.

"But I don't get depressed about it. On suicide, the only thing I can say is that if things are so bad why die? Why not give it another day? Love, art or music can be the cure. Refuse to give up.

"When Kurt Cobain committed suicide I remember thinking how close I felt to his work and understood his music and words very well. But if he hated what he was that much, why not just give it up and escape and go somewhere? Grow flowers, catch fish, do something else. There are very negative attitudes shown by some people. We live in a very cynical society.

"Even little kids are cynical and we definitely need a refresher course in love, friendship and living.

"We need to rethink how to live. I wish I could have known at 18 that I would one day live in France and meet the love of my life.

"I met Vanessa in a hotel in Paris. It was instant love, across a crowded room. I became entranced by her back and neck.

"Then she turned her face and it was beautiful. She came across the room and asked: 'Do you remember me?' I had met her years before, apparently.

"But this time I was love-struck. There was no doubt in my mind that she was The One. She would change my life.

"Having kids also changed my life for the better. Being with my family makes me happy - and shows in my face. I feel young and happy.

"Being a dad made me realise what the important things are in life. It is certainly not fame or celebrity.

"There is so much fear, from the fear of losing jobs to the fear of losing loved ones. We forget about the moment - right now, what is happening.

"We dwell on the past and worry about the future. We exist in life and forget to live.

"I wish I knew that at 18 - I could have started living my life much earlier."

(Taken from The Sun - http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/woman/3558118/Johnny-Depp-Love-art-or-music-can-be-the-cure-never-give-up.html)