Throughout our lives, there are many many crossroads that we will face. Everyone of us face them on a daily basis.For instance,
Wife: Honey, do you want Kaya or Olive margarine spread for your bread?
Yourself: What do I want to wear for today?
Thief: Do I pickpocket this man with a cap or that woman with an open purse?
Blind: Do I cross the road at this time or do I wait for someone to guide me over?
At some point in life we all are faced with pivotal and potentially life altering decisions. While the most obvious crossroads moments are easily recognizable and often agonizing life choices such as whether to end a long term relationship, terminate an unwanted pregnancy, or accept a marriage proposal, more subtle crossroad moments are not realized until long after the moment has passed. A casual trip to the local market can result in a chance encounter with a future mate and memories of a solitary journey through Central America can wake a sleeping soul years down the road.
While it is certainly comforting to rest crucial life decisions in the mighty hands of fate, the path of least resistance is not always the wisest route to take. The concept of human determination versus destiny is a loaded one, wrought with religious, philosophical, scientific and highly personal undercurrents. My personal preference is to lend credence to both sides of the spectrum, resulting in a complex interplay between personal freedom, self empowerment and predetermined fate.
Consider again the proverbial fork in the road. We have three choices: go left, go right, or stand still and languish in a state if inertia. The decision we make now will potentially shape our destiny for years to come. Ambivalence is a poison that clouds the mind and murders the spirit. It is always best to chose a path, take a leap of faith and keep moving forward, rather than succumb to the illusory shelter of inactivity.
I often tell people that caution is my middle name since I can sit on making a decision for a very long time before acting upon it.Sometimes I will procrastinate on making a decision because I'm not clear on what I really want. Other times it is because the unknown factors of how a decision may affect me in the future scares the bejeepers out of me.
As a person who has always been guilty of running from pain and charging ahead with reckless abandon, I am now focused on the power of standing still. However in standing still I am actually moving forward, because I stand now with peace and clarity of purpose rather than frozen in the grips of fear. My chosen path is neither the one I had always anticipated nor the easiest route to take at this point in time. I do not have the foggiest idea where I will end up, but one thing remains certain- I will grow and evolve in positive directions along the way.
It is not the destination that matters rather the journey, and life is really just one long journey with many crossroads along the way. As a seasoned traveler with many adventures yet to come, I plan to travel light, celebrate the crossroads, and stop to breathe now and then. Finally, if my destiny happens to entail a fellow explorer at some point along the way, I will certainly welcome the company.
How do we prepare for crossroads?
According to Father Paul Keenan, the atitude towards it is really important
These are crossroads: times in life when one thing is drawing to a close and another is beginning. The problem is, we weren’t prepared for the former to end, and we haven’t a clue what the latter looks like. When confronted with a crossroads in life, our usual reaction is to feel helpless, perhaps to panic. We often feel as though we don’t know what to do. We get scared and start to think there is something the matter with us.
A good relaxed look at the phenomenon of crossroads will help us to learn four important things:
- Crossroads are normal.
- Crossroads show us the difference between illusion and reality.
- Crossroads reveal to us the importance of intention.
- When we realize the importance of intention, we can look back and see that the crossroads were really a mirage.
1. Crossroads are normal.
Many people at a crossroads feel that they are crazy or are going crazy. Most of the time, this is not the case. Crossroads are a normal, natural part of life. For that matter, change is a normal part of life; and crossroads are nothing more than an invitation to change. The feeling of going crazy has to do with the loss of the familiar. It would be nice if changes came one at a time, but often that is not the case. There’s an old saying that deaths come in threes. There’s no absolute rule about that, and it’s a very good idea not to get that notion into your head lest it become a self-fulfilling prophecy. But it relays the notion that often when something shifts in one area of life, something else in another area shifts as well. Taken together, both can trigger other changes. Before too long, you get the feeling that there is no solid ground for you to walk on.
"Worry and stress seemed to be the order of the day."
In fact, it’s all too normal. One thing leads to another, and there’s a very good reason for that. As much as we try to portray ourselves as individuals who are terribly independent of one another, the fact of the matter is that we are all citizens of the universe. The very smallest and finest levels of our being are interrelated to each other and interact with each other even when we are not consciously aware of their interaction. Send an e-mail and you can affect someone on the other side of the planet. Turn on television or surf the internet and you can find yourself interacting with the planet Mars. We speak of coincidences, and yet there is no such thing: the strange and at times bizarre concurrences of people and events happen by interaction, not by chance. Whatever affects us at one point in our lives affects us at every other point as well. Though it can be frustrating at times, it’s not surprising that when we experience change in one area of life, changes come in other areas as well. That’s what one was going through and it was driving him crazy. Or at least they thought it was. Actually, it wasn’t, and it became necessary to sit the person down and help him to see that what he thought was craziness was really entirely normal. He was not losing his marbles or witnessing the ruination of his life.
2. Crossroads show us the difference between illusion and reality.
The person knew that he was at a crossroads, and that he had to do something. But what to do? Most of us when we face situations like this have one of two reactions. Either we curl up into a little ball of fear or we scatter ourselves all over the place in a fruitless effort to piece things together. Fortunately, there’s another option. Instead of succumbing either to paralysis or to frenzy, we can quiet ourselves and turn to the resources within us for guidance. We can’t think properly or choose properly when we are fearful or panicked. When we take time to calm ourselves and look within, we may well get the impression that rather than thinking, we are being thought through.
When Father Keenan was a boy of about eight or nine, two very puzzling questions occurred to him at about the same time. The first was, "How come I can see everyone else’s face, but not my own?" The second was, "How come everyone talks about thinking, while I don’t feel like I’m thinking, but rather that someone is thinking through me?" He didn’t know it at the time, but later learned that what he was doing in those questions was confronting the deepest mystery of his being. It was rather an awesome thing for a boy of eight or nine to be doing, but there it was, nonetheless. As regards the latter question, it seemed to him that his thoughts were not generated by him, but instead were occurring to him. He was not their source, but he was being led or drawn to them or they to him.
That’s generally the experience one have during meditation. One often come to meditation with the head jammed full of thoughts – that’s how one got the to crossroads in the first place – but once one meditates, it is as though a whole other source of thoughts and ideas has bubbled up. It’s like the old Zen saying, "Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear." Through meditation, one goes beneath our muddied thinking and wait for something new.
As one practice meditation, one becomes aware of a difference between new thoughts and old ones. This is how it seems when one begin to experience the fresh new thoughts that rise up from within self as one meditate. They are inspiring, full of hope, giving a sense of purpose and direction. They move one past the crossroads by moving us above them. That’s the sense of the higher thoughts one gets from meditation. They well up from inside one, and as they do, they expand our vision. One's limits, so cripplingly important just moments ago, now seem old-fashioned and irrelevant. Notice, though, that at this stage, the ideas may not yet yield us concrete solutions to our dilemma. What they do, rather, is show one a new level of thought, and give one the hope that there is more available to us than we formerly thought or perceived. At this stage of meditation, one may not be guided to the perfect job or given the address and phone number at which it is to be found. But he will be given the sense that, to quote Shakespeare, "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." He’ll begin to see reality beyond his limits, and that is an excellent start.
At that new level of thought, one will come to realize the difference between reality and appearances. When one started out, one was 100% certain that onee was experiencing reality. That was reality to one, a hard and somber truth, and there was no way around it. Onee was in big trouble.
Now that he knows that there is a higher level of reality and of thought, One is in a position to re-evaluate the things he took to be true before. He is learning that, though they may be true at the level of his everyday experience, they do not tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth as he had previously thought. At the new level, he experiences himself and his reality as full, flowing and bountiful, whereas his old level revealed himself and his reality to be empty, at a standstill and deficient. At the new level, he realizes that he is one with the abundant flow of everything that is "up" there (or "in" there). At the old level, he felt cut off from everything, picked upon, ganged up on; life had it in for him. He can learn to see that it makes quite a difference which story of reality one pays attention to.
3. Crossroads reveal to us the importance of intention.
"Worry and stress seemed to be the order of the day."
In fact, it’s all too normal. One thing leads to another, and there’s a very good reason for that. As much as we try to portray ourselves as individuals who are terribly independent of one another, the fact of the matter is that we are all citizens of the universe. The very smallest and finest levels of our being are interrelated to each other and interact with each other even when we are not consciously aware of their interaction. Send an e-mail and you can affect someone on the other side of the planet. Turn on television or surf the internet and you can find yourself interacting with the planet Mars. We speak of coincidences, and yet there is no such thing: the strange and at times bizarre concurrences of people and events happen by interaction, not by chance. Whatever affects us at one point in our lives affects us at every other point as well. Though it can be frustrating at times, it’s not surprising that when we experience change in one area of life, changes come in other areas as well. That’s what one was going through and it was driving him crazy. Or at least they thought it was. Actually, it wasn’t, and it became necessary to sit the person down and help him to see that what he thought was craziness was really entirely normal. He was not losing his marbles or witnessing the ruination of his life.
2. Crossroads show us the difference between illusion and reality.
The person knew that he was at a crossroads, and that he had to do something. But what to do? Most of us when we face situations like this have one of two reactions. Either we curl up into a little ball of fear or we scatter ourselves all over the place in a fruitless effort to piece things together. Fortunately, there’s another option. Instead of succumbing either to paralysis or to frenzy, we can quiet ourselves and turn to the resources within us for guidance. We can’t think properly or choose properly when we are fearful or panicked. When we take time to calm ourselves and look within, we may well get the impression that rather than thinking, we are being thought through.
When Father Keenan was a boy of about eight or nine, two very puzzling questions occurred to him at about the same time. The first was, "How come I can see everyone else’s face, but not my own?" The second was, "How come everyone talks about thinking, while I don’t feel like I’m thinking, but rather that someone is thinking through me?" He didn’t know it at the time, but later learned that what he was doing in those questions was confronting the deepest mystery of his being. It was rather an awesome thing for a boy of eight or nine to be doing, but there it was, nonetheless. As regards the latter question, it seemed to him that his thoughts were not generated by him, but instead were occurring to him. He was not their source, but he was being led or drawn to them or they to him.
That’s generally the experience one have during meditation. One often come to meditation with the head jammed full of thoughts – that’s how one got the to crossroads in the first place – but once one meditates, it is as though a whole other source of thoughts and ideas has bubbled up. It’s like the old Zen saying, "Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear." Through meditation, one goes beneath our muddied thinking and wait for something new.
As one practice meditation, one becomes aware of a difference between new thoughts and old ones. This is how it seems when one begin to experience the fresh new thoughts that rise up from within self as one meditate. They are inspiring, full of hope, giving a sense of purpose and direction. They move one past the crossroads by moving us above them. That’s the sense of the higher thoughts one gets from meditation. They well up from inside one, and as they do, they expand our vision. One's limits, so cripplingly important just moments ago, now seem old-fashioned and irrelevant. Notice, though, that at this stage, the ideas may not yet yield us concrete solutions to our dilemma. What they do, rather, is show one a new level of thought, and give one the hope that there is more available to us than we formerly thought or perceived. At this stage of meditation, one may not be guided to the perfect job or given the address and phone number at which it is to be found. But he will be given the sense that, to quote Shakespeare, "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." He’ll begin to see reality beyond his limits, and that is an excellent start.
At that new level of thought, one will come to realize the difference between reality and appearances. When one started out, one was 100% certain that onee was experiencing reality. That was reality to one, a hard and somber truth, and there was no way around it. Onee was in big trouble.
Now that he knows that there is a higher level of reality and of thought, One is in a position to re-evaluate the things he took to be true before. He is learning that, though they may be true at the level of his everyday experience, they do not tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth as he had previously thought. At the new level, he experiences himself and his reality as full, flowing and bountiful, whereas his old level revealed himself and his reality to be empty, at a standstill and deficient. At the new level, he realizes that he is one with the abundant flow of everything that is "up" there (or "in" there). At the old level, he felt cut off from everything, picked upon, ganged up on; life had it in for him. He can learn to see that it makes quite a difference which story of reality one pays attention to.
3. Crossroads reveal to us the importance of intention.
Once he has seen that there are resources beyond the limitations of his old way of thinking, one must form the intention to pursue those resources and to truly want what they offer. Without intention, nothing really can happen. It’s like playing pool. It’s one thing to have the billiard balls scattered all over the table. It’s quite another thing to have them all arranged and ready to hit with the cue. In the first instance, there can be no game. In the second instance, there can. Intention takes the fresh ideas One has found in his inner world and focuses their energy, making it possible for them to do their work. If he is to get beyond his crossroads, one must intend to let the truth of those new ideas take precedence over his old ones. He must go so far as to declare his old ideas false and renounce the power they used to hold over him. Intention is the power to step beyond the crossroads by rising above them. He must deny the "truth" that his life is falling apart. He must deny the "truth" that he cannot find work. He must deny the "truth" that he must yield to sickness and misery. He must deny the "truth" that there is nothing out there for him. He must deny the "truth" that his marriage can no longer be successful.
At this point, let me say a word about denial, because I can already hear you thinking, "This guy is encouraging people to be in denial." Here’s where the force of intention comes in. There are two kinds of denial: one without intention and one with intention. The first is what we call "being in denial." It is only in the second kind of denial -- denial plus intention -- that we are able to get beyond our fork in the road. If someone suffers from an addiction, sees the signs and refuses to accept the seriousness of the problem, that is denial, but it is not the kind of "higher denial" that I am talking about. The kind of denial they need to make is to deny that they must necessarily be forever held hostage to the circumstances that they see or the past they have had or the narrow future they envision. That’s the kind of denial I am talking about. It’s very different, because it requires looking directly at the phenomena you are trying to overcome, not turning a blind eye to them.
So, then, we want one to set an intention in order to move past his crossroads. And the precise intention we want him to set is this: "I intend to accept the view of reality gleaned from my inner wisdom as true, and I intend to find the view of reality gleaned from my previous outer experience as false." He is saying yes to abundance, limitlessness, freedom, and the realm of all possibilities. He is saying no to lack, limitation, fatalism and obstacles.
To do this is to cross a Rubicon. one would take off to be alone with himself. Often negative thinking of those around the one to be healed could prevent the healing from taking place. Those who could accept this challenge that they would have the things they had left behind in abundance, plus eternal life. That’s why we refer to this spiritual thinking as "higher" thought. It requires a release from the lower, but far from destroying the lower (though it appears to), it transforms the lower by revealing possibilities heretofore unseen in it.
4. When we realize the importance of intention, we can look back and see that the crossroads were really a mirage.
Once one has grasped the importance of intention, one has the ability to get past our crossroads. Once the ideas of the mental realm are accepted as true and the ideas of the realm of everyday experience are accepted as false, the ideas of the mental realm are empowered and enabled to exert their influence upon the person. At this point, there is very little one need to do except sustain one's intention and watch. What will begin to happen is that occurrences will begin to unfold along the lines of one's intention far more readily than if the person had tried to jump in and make them happen. Literally, the person will find themselves receiving guidance from the things that happen to one every day. With old vision, one would have said that these were unrelated and accidental; and probably would have given them no notice. But now with new vision, one is allowing being to unfold according to its own lines, its best lines; and one allow it to teach and guide themselves. In our everyday world, one are often praised for being the captain of our ship; in actual point of fact it is much more interesting to be disciples of being, watching, learning as we go, finding the right information and opportunities opening up before us just as we need them. Rumi, the Sufi poet and mystic of the thirteenth century, said it well: "We fritter away all of our energy devising and executing schemes to become that which we already are." In truth, we don’t have to go out and build reality from scratch; all we have to do, really, is to intend to let it happen around us. It will.
One to ask me what to do about his crossroads, I might share with him the story of how I got my present job as radio co-host of "Religion on the Line" and Director of Radio Ministry for the Archdiocese of New York. Back in 1988, I was an associate pastor at St. James Church on the Lower East Side of New York City. I was floundering a bit, having just recovered from a near-fatal illness and an unfortunate misunderstanding with my colleagues at my previous parish (see my Good News for Bad Days: Living a Soulful Life, Warner Books, 1998 for details on both). I had always been a great lover of radio, and long had had the dream of becoming a broadcaster, though I never dreamed it would be possible for me as a priest. One Sunday morning, I went down to the rectory kitchen to make breakfast. I turned on the radio, adjusted the dial and heard a program where three men were having a conversation. It turned out that one was a rabbi, one a minister and one a priest; and it was fascinating. Listening further, I learned that the show was called "Religion on the Line," and that it was on WABC every Sunday morning. I remember thinking to myself, "Wow, I’d really like to be on that show." That was about the long and short of that thought. It didn’t occur to me to do anything about it, and I more or less went about my business in the parish.
A few months later, my pastor, Monsignor Kevin O’Brien, encouraged me to take a course in broadcasting at New York University. He knew of my love for radio, and thought I should consider putting it to use. It turned out to be a very positive experience, and whetted my whistle as far as radio was concerned. Among my parochial duties at the time was my tenure as Chairman of the Board of the Lower East Side Catholic Area Conference. At the time, we were looking to develop our ministry to Chinese Catholics (Chinatown is part of the Lower East Side), and we were planning a day-long retreat for our Chinese Catholics in one of our churches. At a meeting, someone suggested that the radio program "Religion on the Line" would be a good publicity vehicle for the retreat. I called the Catholic priest on the program, and he generously invited a group of Chinese Catholics and me to be guests on the show. As I was leaving the studio after the interview, I mentioned to the priest that I was interested in doing radio, and that if he ever needed a substitute on a Sunday, I’d like him to think of me.
Months went by, and I had just arrived at a new assignment when I received a call from Joseph Zwilling, the Director of the Office of Communications at the Archdiocese of New York. Joe and I had never met, but he wanted me to know that the priest who was hosting "Religion on the Line" had to be away for the summer, and had recommended me as a possible substitute. Was I interested? The answer was obvious.
As a result of that summer’s trial by fire, which I loved, I decided to start a program of my own, which would be called "As You Think." I went to Joe Zwilling’s office to meet him and to let the Archdiocese know what I was thinking of doing. As I walked into his office, it hit me: "I would really like to work here." My next phone call from Joe Zwilling, a few weeks later, was to offer me the use of a spare office in his department to work on publicity and fundraising for "As You Think." As time went on, I joined the office on a part time basis, then full-time as an Assistant Director, and later still received the title of Director of Radio Ministry. Somewhere along the way, I became full-time co-host of "Religion on the Line," which position I have thoroughly enjoyed for eleven years now.
Was I lucky? Yes and no. From one point of view, I was and am very fortunate, indeed. But it was not "dumb luck." Along the way, I kept being guided to new intentions that, without any doing on my part, arranged meetings, situations and events for the highest good of all, including mine. Behind those intentions was my overall intention to do the work God gave me to do. That intention opened up the doorway to God and all of the other doors that opened thereafter.
What’s the message here? Let’s go back to Flannery O’Connor: "The writer operates at a peculiar crossroads where time and place and eternity somehow meet. His {or her} problem is to find that location." The crossroads that right now may seem to you to be impassable and impossible, seen from another point of view are the meeting of time and place and eternity. Your meeting. Relax, realize that you’re not getting the whole truth from what you see. Open your mind and heart to the possibility of a higher truth, a truth that replaces limitation with opportunity, impossibility with infinite possibilities, and despair with pulsating hope. Deny the truths you have been living by. Affirm the intention that your higher vision is the truth. Go back to your life, and let yourself be guided.
Others also says these:
Occasionally the saying "nothing ventured, nothing gained" will get whispered in my ear by an inner voice to help give me a needed nudge forward. Other times feelings of dread will build inside my being simply by a mere thought of making a change. I will then heed that dread emotion as a signal to think twice before taking the plunge. Using your gut instincts can be very helpful in decision making.
Taking the Plunge When Making Decisions
At this point, let me say a word about denial, because I can already hear you thinking, "This guy is encouraging people to be in denial." Here’s where the force of intention comes in. There are two kinds of denial: one without intention and one with intention. The first is what we call "being in denial." It is only in the second kind of denial -- denial plus intention -- that we are able to get beyond our fork in the road. If someone suffers from an addiction, sees the signs and refuses to accept the seriousness of the problem, that is denial, but it is not the kind of "higher denial" that I am talking about. The kind of denial they need to make is to deny that they must necessarily be forever held hostage to the circumstances that they see or the past they have had or the narrow future they envision. That’s the kind of denial I am talking about. It’s very different, because it requires looking directly at the phenomena you are trying to overcome, not turning a blind eye to them.
So, then, we want one to set an intention in order to move past his crossroads. And the precise intention we want him to set is this: "I intend to accept the view of reality gleaned from my inner wisdom as true, and I intend to find the view of reality gleaned from my previous outer experience as false." He is saying yes to abundance, limitlessness, freedom, and the realm of all possibilities. He is saying no to lack, limitation, fatalism and obstacles.
To do this is to cross a Rubicon. one would take off to be alone with himself. Often negative thinking of those around the one to be healed could prevent the healing from taking place. Those who could accept this challenge that they would have the things they had left behind in abundance, plus eternal life. That’s why we refer to this spiritual thinking as "higher" thought. It requires a release from the lower, but far from destroying the lower (though it appears to), it transforms the lower by revealing possibilities heretofore unseen in it.
4. When we realize the importance of intention, we can look back and see that the crossroads were really a mirage.
Once one has grasped the importance of intention, one has the ability to get past our crossroads. Once the ideas of the mental realm are accepted as true and the ideas of the realm of everyday experience are accepted as false, the ideas of the mental realm are empowered and enabled to exert their influence upon the person. At this point, there is very little one need to do except sustain one's intention and watch. What will begin to happen is that occurrences will begin to unfold along the lines of one's intention far more readily than if the person had tried to jump in and make them happen. Literally, the person will find themselves receiving guidance from the things that happen to one every day. With old vision, one would have said that these were unrelated and accidental; and probably would have given them no notice. But now with new vision, one is allowing being to unfold according to its own lines, its best lines; and one allow it to teach and guide themselves. In our everyday world, one are often praised for being the captain of our ship; in actual point of fact it is much more interesting to be disciples of being, watching, learning as we go, finding the right information and opportunities opening up before us just as we need them. Rumi, the Sufi poet and mystic of the thirteenth century, said it well: "We fritter away all of our energy devising and executing schemes to become that which we already are." In truth, we don’t have to go out and build reality from scratch; all we have to do, really, is to intend to let it happen around us. It will.
One to ask me what to do about his crossroads, I might share with him the story of how I got my present job as radio co-host of "Religion on the Line" and Director of Radio Ministry for the Archdiocese of New York. Back in 1988, I was an associate pastor at St. James Church on the Lower East Side of New York City. I was floundering a bit, having just recovered from a near-fatal illness and an unfortunate misunderstanding with my colleagues at my previous parish (see my Good News for Bad Days: Living a Soulful Life, Warner Books, 1998 for details on both). I had always been a great lover of radio, and long had had the dream of becoming a broadcaster, though I never dreamed it would be possible for me as a priest. One Sunday morning, I went down to the rectory kitchen to make breakfast. I turned on the radio, adjusted the dial and heard a program where three men were having a conversation. It turned out that one was a rabbi, one a minister and one a priest; and it was fascinating. Listening further, I learned that the show was called "Religion on the Line," and that it was on WABC every Sunday morning. I remember thinking to myself, "Wow, I’d really like to be on that show." That was about the long and short of that thought. It didn’t occur to me to do anything about it, and I more or less went about my business in the parish.
A few months later, my pastor, Monsignor Kevin O’Brien, encouraged me to take a course in broadcasting at New York University. He knew of my love for radio, and thought I should consider putting it to use. It turned out to be a very positive experience, and whetted my whistle as far as radio was concerned. Among my parochial duties at the time was my tenure as Chairman of the Board of the Lower East Side Catholic Area Conference. At the time, we were looking to develop our ministry to Chinese Catholics (Chinatown is part of the Lower East Side), and we were planning a day-long retreat for our Chinese Catholics in one of our churches. At a meeting, someone suggested that the radio program "Religion on the Line" would be a good publicity vehicle for the retreat. I called the Catholic priest on the program, and he generously invited a group of Chinese Catholics and me to be guests on the show. As I was leaving the studio after the interview, I mentioned to the priest that I was interested in doing radio, and that if he ever needed a substitute on a Sunday, I’d like him to think of me.
Months went by, and I had just arrived at a new assignment when I received a call from Joseph Zwilling, the Director of the Office of Communications at the Archdiocese of New York. Joe and I had never met, but he wanted me to know that the priest who was hosting "Religion on the Line" had to be away for the summer, and had recommended me as a possible substitute. Was I interested? The answer was obvious.
As a result of that summer’s trial by fire, which I loved, I decided to start a program of my own, which would be called "As You Think." I went to Joe Zwilling’s office to meet him and to let the Archdiocese know what I was thinking of doing. As I walked into his office, it hit me: "I would really like to work here." My next phone call from Joe Zwilling, a few weeks later, was to offer me the use of a spare office in his department to work on publicity and fundraising for "As You Think." As time went on, I joined the office on a part time basis, then full-time as an Assistant Director, and later still received the title of Director of Radio Ministry. Somewhere along the way, I became full-time co-host of "Religion on the Line," which position I have thoroughly enjoyed for eleven years now.
Was I lucky? Yes and no. From one point of view, I was and am very fortunate, indeed. But it was not "dumb luck." Along the way, I kept being guided to new intentions that, without any doing on my part, arranged meetings, situations and events for the highest good of all, including mine. Behind those intentions was my overall intention to do the work God gave me to do. That intention opened up the doorway to God and all of the other doors that opened thereafter.
What’s the message here? Let’s go back to Flannery O’Connor: "The writer operates at a peculiar crossroads where time and place and eternity somehow meet. His {or her} problem is to find that location." The crossroads that right now may seem to you to be impassable and impossible, seen from another point of view are the meeting of time and place and eternity. Your meeting. Relax, realize that you’re not getting the whole truth from what you see. Open your mind and heart to the possibility of a higher truth, a truth that replaces limitation with opportunity, impossibility with infinite possibilities, and despair with pulsating hope. Deny the truths you have been living by. Affirm the intention that your higher vision is the truth. Go back to your life, and let yourself be guided.
Others also says these:
Occasionally the saying "nothing ventured, nothing gained" will get whispered in my ear by an inner voice to help give me a needed nudge forward. Other times feelings of dread will build inside my being simply by a mere thought of making a change. I will then heed that dread emotion as a signal to think twice before taking the plunge. Using your gut instincts can be very helpful in decision making.
Taking the Plunge When Making Decisions
Truthfully, I almost never take a plunge into anything without mulling it over twice, or even thrice. At times I feel disgusted with myself for not being able to joyfully jump into things full-heartedly, instead I'm generally testing the water with my toes beforehand. I don't particularly like water bubbling up my nose. I realize that I tend to over analyze situations, living in my head too much. By not allowing my heart to beat any extra beats, I often feel as if I am stifling my creativity in these moments. At the same time I figure I've probably saved myself plenty of headaches by not routinely making quick misjudgments.
Stop, Caution, Go
Decision makers can be categorized in three groups. These groups correlate with a traffic stoplight.
Red lights
These are individuals who often feel frozen in fear when faced with making a decision. They are resistant to change and have great difficulty making decisions. They tend to have to have the rug pulled out from under them before they will move to safer ground.
Yellow lights
These people are caution oriented individuals who will look both ways before venturing into the traffic. They will weigh the pros and cons of any given situation before deciding.
Green lights
Here are the adventuresome type. They leap without looking, figuring that all will go well (they have the right-of-way after all). These people could use a refresher course in defensive driving as they do get themselves in sticky predicaments at times.
What type of decision maker are you?
Red Light - Blocked or Stymied
Yellow Light - Proceed with Caution
Green Light - Right A Way
These groups indicate rigid characteristics, Most people fall into a blend of these groups. Each decision we make is different and our reactions will vary accordingly.
We make minor decisions every day of our lives. The decision I had to make yesterday was selecting what shade of throw pillows to go with our new sofa. My husband and I were standing in the Martha Stewart section at Kmart looking over the various pillows. Our sofa's fabric is a sage paisley pattern with brown and burgundy accents. We made a mutual decision and went home with some plush brown pillows. After returning home we soon realized that the brown didn't coordinate nicely with the couch. An hour later Joe drove back to the store and exchanged the brown with some burgundy pillows. They look quite lovely with our sofa. This is an example of a decision that can be easily reversed.
However, life doesn't always seem to allow a retreat option in our decision making. When the decision we are facing is a life changing one is it any wonder we stop dead in our tracks when we come at a these crossroads along our life path?
Below is a quick list of some significant decisions that people are met with. What is decided ultimately impacts their lives for many years that follow.
What type of decision maker are you?
Red Light - Blocked or Stymied
Yellow Light - Proceed with Caution
Green Light - Right A Way
These groups indicate rigid characteristics, Most people fall into a blend of these groups. Each decision we make is different and our reactions will vary accordingly.
We make minor decisions every day of our lives. The decision I had to make yesterday was selecting what shade of throw pillows to go with our new sofa. My husband and I were standing in the Martha Stewart section at Kmart looking over the various pillows. Our sofa's fabric is a sage paisley pattern with brown and burgundy accents. We made a mutual decision and went home with some plush brown pillows. After returning home we soon realized that the brown didn't coordinate nicely with the couch. An hour later Joe drove back to the store and exchanged the brown with some burgundy pillows. They look quite lovely with our sofa. This is an example of a decision that can be easily reversed.
However, life doesn't always seem to allow a retreat option in our decision making. When the decision we are facing is a life changing one is it any wonder we stop dead in our tracks when we come at a these crossroads along our life path?
Below is a quick list of some significant decisions that people are met with. What is decided ultimately impacts their lives for many years that follow.
- Career Options
- Choosing A Vocation
- Education
- Marriage / Divorce
- Pregnancy / Parenthood
- Relocating
- Retirement Planning
- Health Care Alternatives
Fact gathering and seeking advice is recommended. Advice from a good friend or counselor can be helpful in these circumstances. Sometimes we are too emotionally connected to the situation to see clearly all the details involved in making a wise decision. Whereas someone detached from the drama is likely to be able to show more objectivity. Although we may wish that someone else would step in to make tough decisions for us, the final decision remains ours to make.
Fears of Making Bad Decisions
Over the years I have counseled many clients about decisions they are faced with. Most often they have been either relationship or job related. Normally the problem I feel they are facing is not in making the decision itself, but more trying to move past the fear of making a wrong choice. I will have them imagine the best and the worst outcomes, scripting the different scenarios for each situation to help weigh out the advantages/disadvantages. I also emphasize that there truly are no wrong choices, only different paths.
Alternate Choices
During a period of time when I felt very stuck and could not decide between decision A or decision B, a good friend of mine pointed out to me that by doing nothing (remaining stuck) I had made decision C. Decisions aren't always based on either this or that options, look for door number 3, or door number 4. Stay alert for side exits or hidden entry ways. Our choices are seldom black or white, alternative pathways can be found in the gray areas.
There Are No Wrong Choices
We can't know what all the future holds for us. There are no guarantees. As much as I have struggled with making decisions in my life I am very happy that I have had so many choices offered to me. Yes, I've made some poor choices, but along with those choices came challenges and opportunities that I would not have experienced otherwise. For this reason I do not believe there are wrong or right choices. Whatever decisions we make, they will ultimately thrust us into life situations (both positive and negative). As the opportunities being gifted to us unfold in our lifes we will grow our spirits. And in my humble opinion, spiritual growth was likely the grander plan anyhow.
Another story to share:
Are you stuck at the CROSSROADS OF LIFE?
by Gordon Alexander
A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting in a little park at the center of the Universe, at a place once known as Barney's Busy Corners.
It is where the cities of Akron, Tallmadge, and Cuyahoga Falls Ohio all meet. It is today one of the busiest intersections in the state where six high-traffic roads meet.
Well, I watched this car come up Howe Rd. from the East, and when it got into the middle of the intersection it STOPPED.
Horns started blowing, people were yelling.
So I jumped up from my maple stump grandstand, and ran (OK, I now jog, but it feels the same as running used to) to the car, thinking something was wrong.
There was a little old man driving, and his little old wife was screaming at him. They were lost. They didn't know which way to turn. And in all the confusion, the guy just stopped. I asked where he was going, and then I received an amazing answer.
He said, "I don't know. I can't remember."
Well, it's kind of hard to give directions to someone who is clueless as to the destination. Isn't it?
I directed him to a little parking lot up Howe Rd., a sewing machine repair shop, and then I ran after him. The crowds were cheering and waving at me. Many with just one finger.
Anyhow.
When I got there, the couple were fuming at each other, and I asked again where they were trying to go. The gentleman told me he was meeting someone at a restaurant, but couldn't remember the name of it. He also said he lost the directions to the place.
Well, I know this area like the proverbial back of my hand, so I took a stab,"Old Country Buffet?"
"YES", he exclaimed. It wasn’t that I got lucky, they fit the profile.
So I sent them on their way with simple directions.
Turn left at the next light. Turn right at the first light after that. Piece of cake directions, it was easy when I knew where they wanted to go.
After this encounter, I continued my walk, and thought about what had happened.
See, I spent my youth at that intersection. When most of this 5 lane cement highway was a dirt road. When one of the busiest malls in America was an old farm, where I walked my dog.
Where the strip plaza was a golf course where I learned to play the game quickly (so I wouldn't get caught for sneaking on).
And where I used to stand at the exact same spot where that man had frozen. But in those remnant Happy Days of the early 60's, I could stand on that spot for several minutes before a car would come along.
I would stand with my compass. And map.
It was a map of the world. And I figured out where everything was. Going over top of the Saksa's house would take me to Toronto. Down Howe Rd. I'd get to Virginia Beach. Over the water tower, and I'd be in California.
See, I had a map. And a compass. And a desire to see the world. And I stood at that intersection and plotted my course. On how I would get to all these "exotic" places. How I could make that journey. I didn't know then but the U.S. Navy was going to be my ticket to those far away places I dreamt about from that intersection. I imagined walking the beaches of Hawaii, one of my earliest childhood dreams. And 12 years later as I was walking the warm sands of Maui, I thought of that intersection.
I tossed a glance eastward from atop a hill in Hong Kong. I looked North from the Panama Canal. I imagined a straight line from the deep South Pacific, where water magically runs down the drain the "wrong" way. I always made a connection to that Intersection. That crossroads I had left behind seeking adventure.
Now I sit at the center of my old universe, and watch the cars fly by. All in a hurry. All speeding toward the mall, or the movies, or a restaurant. They travel quickly. And it is not unusual to see people turning in front of cars at the last second, because they don't know where they are going.
Oh, most have a destination. But many lack directions. And then there came a man, when asked where he was trying to get to, said: 'I DON'T KNOW'.
It caught me by surprise.
And so I ask you. Do you have a destination? Do you have directions on how to get there? Or are you like the man frozen at the crossroads of life? The one who does not know where he WANTS TO GO.
That man, the one who stopped at my intersection, he was frustrated. He reminded me of many people I know. They are constantly going to DO something, to BE someone, to GO somewhere. They are going to change their life. Because they are not satisfied with it. Because they don't have enough money. Or they lack things. Or something.
But they are like the man that was trapped in the confusion of POSSIBILITY, at the crossroads of life.
Some of my friends could be RICH, if only. If only they could get a break. If only they had some money to bring their idea to market. If, if, if. IF
IF they could choose the right path. The right road.
The one that leads to success.
Lately, in this little lake of the Internet there has been a lot of talk about "gurus" and teachers and marketers. That's what this neck of the net is all about. And there has been discussion, much too much in my opinion, about who's material, who's information is the best, which one works. etc. etc.
Friends, all that stuff, all that HOW TO material, including my CHATTEL REPORT and UTTER POWER tape, all that is just a map.
A guide. But it's not the same as REALITY. The map I had of Hong Kong as a kid was filled full of pictures, wonderful and fascinating POSSIBILITY, but it was NOTHING like the real thing.
AS more than a few modern gurus are apt to say, the MAP is NOT THE TERRITORY. It only represents the real thing. And there are many ways to get to where you want to go.
If you know where that is.
Can you identify the road that will lead you to DEFINITE HAPPINESS? Can you pick the road that takes you to your destination?
I consider myself to be a map maker. I'm that little old man sitting at the intersection, just waiting for someone to ask me directions so I can point and tell them which way to go.
I can do that, if they know where they are trying to get to. But when a man says, "I DON'T KNOW" to the question,
'where do you WANT to go?"
THEN,
it gets kind of hard. In the CHATTEL REPORT, I gave you a plan, a 12 week road map to take you to a destination. And also in the report I told you: THESE ARE MY DIRECTIONS, you are free and encouraged to make your own. You can use my map as a general guideline, to get a feel for the territory, but you can change directions, take different roads, because it is YOUR JOURNEY.
I read last week on another board about a man, a Realtor I believe, who was making good money, 90 thousand a year as I remember. And 90k affords you a decent lifestyle, a 90k lifestyle. And I think he was looking to get out of what he was doing and wanted to do something else, but something that could replace his income. And it sounded like he was in a hurry.
He was looking for a map. And there are many available. But I want to tell one thing. One thing I have learned. Something I did NOT know as a young boy standing with my map and compass in hand, mentally traveling the world from the center of my universe.
I did not know that I could have chosen ANY of those roads and been happy. I did not realize that ANY of the roads could have led me to what I was seeking. I did not understand that the destination was the result of the traveler.
That I took my destination WITH ME.
I have friends who hate HAWAII, too crowded, too commercial. Others hate Hong Kong, or Toykyo, many hate New York City. Or Mexico City. Or Los Angeles, or West Palm Beach.
All places I love. I haven't yet been to a place I can hate. And I now know the reason. It is what I take along. And since I still somehow maintain that youthful enthusiasm for the different. For the unknown, for the "exotic", I enter my travels wide eyed and in awe.
Expecting to find interesting and warm people (ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL).
Expecting to see different ideas, different cultures, and to meet different people. The DESTINATION, wherever it may be in the day, is part of a larger journey. A journey through my life.
And I would ask you to consider your life, the one you have TODAY. The one you are living this moment. And if you are in any way unhappy, or frustrated, or disenfranchised with YOUR life, then I would once again ask that question that I ask so often:
WHAT IS IT YOU WANT? and WHY DO YOU WANT IT?
Where will your wants take you? Where do you want to get to? And how can you live fully as you travel toward something, a better tomorrow, a better place to be, and not use up too much of TODAY, worrying about your past, or longing toward you future?
That's my thought of the day.
The MAP MAKER.
Gordon Alexander
Let's hope we can all faced crossroads with ease.
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